What a cocktease of a story this was! I was promised a Mary Sue (well, "Marie Sue" in this case), and she failed to show up! I feel stood up, goddammit! Not that we're spared much pain in regards to this fanfic anyhow. Still get the annoying Sue backstory. Still get the implausible plot. Still get the irritating-as-all-hell extra characters. Still get over-the-top character "death", which leads you to cry more from its lameness than any heartbreaking sorrow.
This is, by far, the most potent Sue-but-not-Sue, character-death-but-not-character-death story I've ever read! Read to the risk of your own mental health!
****
"Daydreams"
BF: I dream of a day where good fics become the norm...
By dixiebaby1111
BF: "1111": Because, God knows, the world has plenty of dixiebabies already.
A soft wind rippled Katara's hair.
BF: (Katara, awkwardly) Aang really needs to stop blowing kisses at me...
The sandy beach she was sitting on was
BF: Slowly working its way under her clothes.
(Katara, uncomfortable) Sand...in butt crack....chafing...
small since the tide was high.
BF: (Tide, stoned) I'm so wasted, I can't believe it!
She glanced out near the water where Aang was playing
BF: Hooky
tag with Sokka, and Sokka was losing pitifully.
BF: (Sokka, shaking fist at Aang overhead) You can't stay up on that air-scooter forever!
"Heads up!" Aang shouted. A huge glob of wet sand hit Sokka's face and mixed with his hair.
BF: (Aang) Oh...um...maybe you should have kept your head down, instead.
(Sokka) I don't remember wet sand being a part of the game "tag"....
"Ugh! Aang!
BF: (Sokka) Stop mooning me!
If you weren't going to save the world I'd kill you!" He sighed exasperated.
BF: (Sokka) I may just do that anyway....
Aang laughed before turning to Katara. "Katara, watch this!"
BF: (Aang, proceeding to do armpit farts) Now, name that tune!
He started whipping is hands around
BF: (Katara) I've already SEEN that Para Para routine!
and then a huge wind from behind her pushed her off the ground and to her feet and it didn't stop
BF: Despite protests.
(Katara) AANG! This thing is making my skirt fly up!
(Aang, innocently) Oh, is it? Whoops!
until she was on the beach
BF: I didn't realize she had left it.
right in front of the boys. Aang bowed
BF: (Aang) I always bow after I wow. (Wink)
and starting talking to someone
BF: (Sokka) Who is he talking to?
(Katara) Let's not ask.
(Aang) Don't listen to them, Koosalagoopagoop!
as though he was in front of a huge crowd.
BF: (Aang, with stagefright) Just imagine the imaginary people are naked!
(Imaginary person) Where are my clothes?!
"Yes! The Avatar! Who just happens to be the World's Greatest Airbender!
BF: Not like there's a whole lot of....competition...out there.
Aang!"
BF: Which, I would like to take this opportunity to point out, rhymes with Meng.
"AND the ONLY Airbender." Sokka rolled his eyes
BF: That's right, Sokka—sober Aang up by reminding him he is the last of his kind!
and continued pulling the much out of his hair.
BF: How much much was there?
"Hey Aang! Muck for brains!" Katara called out motioning Aang and a sulking Sokka toward.
BF: Usually she just patted her leg and whistled if she wanted them to come.
"We got to get going! Come on!" She grabbed the bag that lay beside Appa and threw it on top of him.
BF: (Appa) Hey, lady, you want to watch where you're throwing your crap? You almost took out an eye.
Then climbed up herself before lying as though she was sun tanning.
BF: (Appa) Hey, listen, if you're going to take me for granted, I can just throw you off right now!
Aang laughed and Katara beamed
BF: Herself onto the Enterprise.
and continued the joke.
BF:....wait....there was a joke here?
"Wait, guys." Sokka suddenly stopped short.
BF: (Sokka) Let's all go tinkle first. I almost fell off Appa last time I tried to whiz off the side of him.
(Appa) That's because I was trying to shake off the pee you got on me!
"Do you feel that?"
BF: (Aang) You mean "the love tonight"?
(Sokka) NO!
Katara and Aang held out their hands
BF: What, you expecting candy?
and felt little drops of waterfall from the sky and start a light shower.
BF: (Sokka) Right. Like I wasn't moist enough from Aang.
"Great! Just our luck!" Sokka fumed as he climbed up on Appa.
BF: (Sokka) I forgot the beach umbrella again! Quick, Katara, use your waterbending!
(Katara) Okay! (Uses waterbending to keep self dry)
(Sokka, glaring) You just like seeing me wet, don't you?
Aang followed him with a huge leap into a gust of wind that pushed him into the basket.
BF: of Easter eggs!
He beamed and did a couple of sit-down bows.
BF: All this bowing from Aang is starting to weird me out.
(Sokka) Funny thing is, he NEVER faces me when he does it!
Katara giggled which made Aang turn a light pink.
BF: That's right, Aang—she not laughing AT you, she's laughing WITH you!
He got up and took hold of the reins. "Yip, yip!" He called out to Appa who rose with a jerk that threw Katara into a sleeping bag, Aang in to the basket with a jolt, and Sokka hanging on to side of the basket over the edge.
BF: (Aang) Sorry! Looks like I pooped Appa's clutch again!
"Ack! Help me you guys!" Katara and Aang were laughing to hard to
BF: Care about Sokka's dangerous predicament.
(Sokka) Aang's bad driving is going to get us all killed! Literally!
hear him and Momo clambered out of the pack he was sleeping in to see what all the commotion was about. Finally after they had calmed down and Sokka's pleas increased they grabbed him by the arms and pulled him into the basket.
BF: (Sokka, acidly) Thanks, guys. Good to know you stupid giggling takes precedent over my peril!
A few hours later, it was pitch black.
BF: Like the hole that is fanfiction.net.
They hadn't had any dinner and had to endure Sokka's complaints and moaning
BF: (Sokka) I TOLD you we should have stopped at that Denny's a mile back!
until he fell asleep at the back end of the basket.
BF: Only the good kids got to sleep in the front end of the basket.
Katara was just as sleepy and had to continuously drench herself with her bottle of salty ocean water
BF: Katara keeps salty ocean water with her? And she's drenching herself with it....right....
to keep her
BF: Nipples pert.
awake. She didn't want Aang to be alone...
BF: Actually, she just didn't want him doodling on her face like last time.
She got up and walked to where he was steering in the front. She wasn't surprised to find Aang asleep with Momo as his pillow.
BF: Aang must have put Appa on autopilot.
(Appa, peering through dark) I have no clue where we're going...
She smiled and took the reins that were held loosely by his hands. She smiled and shifted Aang next to her so he wouldn't fall of the edge.
BF: Or impale himself on one of Appa's horns.
Momo who was startled by the movement ran to the back and occupied himself by placing a leaf over Sokka's mouth and watched it go up and down with his even breathing.
BF: Momo watched even more intently as Sokka rolled the leaf up and smoked it.
Before long Katara couldn't concentrate long enough to steer. It must have been well past midnight. Katara spotted an island and had Appa land on it.
BF: (Appa) Hey, yeah, thanks for considering the fact that I need sleep too!
Before falling asleep almost automatically.
"Tch, tch, tch."
BF: (Making "tch"ing sounds) You could have at least tucked the kiddies in first!
Katara's opened her eyes groggily and a bright light greeted her.
BF: Moments later, Katara was sucked into the UFO's tractor beam.
The sun seemed to want her to get up now.
BF: (Sun, smacking Katara on the back of the head) Out of bed, you lazy ass!
Her head was on Aang's shoulder and Momo was messing with
BF: Sokka's mind.
(Momo, whispering things into sleeping Sokka's ear) Eeek eeek eeek!
(Sokka, mumbling in sleep) That was a very hurtful thing you said!
an acorn that simply refused to open for him.
BF: It SAYS "Do Not Open Till X-Mas", Momo!
Katara reached over and cracked open the acorn before handing it back to Momo.
BF: Cracked it open? With what? Her teeth? Her ass?
He scampered off and Katara sat up. It has to be around noon.
BF: (Sun) I TOLD you to get up!
She looked around. Everyone was still asleep. She slowly and quietly slipped off Appa to go look for something edible.
BF: (Katara) Damn...should taken Momo's acorn when I had the chance!
The sand on the beach they had landed on was warm so she
BF: Shoveled a few spoonfuls into her mouth.
(Katara) Mmm...fills you up right!
slipped off her shoes as well and placed them close to Appa
BF: (Appa) What, am I your shoe rack too?
before trudging off down the beach. It seemed to be a circular island with a white sandy beach around the edge and a jungle in the middle.
BF: At the advice of Master Pakku, they figured THIS would be a pretty sweet vacation spot.
She walked for about ten minutes before spotting a tree with some type of plant on them.
BF: A tree with some type of plant growing off it...which is kinda funny, since a tree *is a plant*!
They were shaped like oranges but they were bright purple with deep crimson spots.
BF: That's what oranges look like after they get into bar brawls.
She'd never seen them before but picked off the ones that appeared the ripest.
BF: The ones that had the largest crimson spots ....Which were actually festering lesions.
With her arms full she walked back to camp but stopped. What if they're poisonous? Katara fearfully thought.
BF: I don't know Katara—let's use Sokka's iron stomach to test it out!
She placed them on the ground and to pick one up to test.
BF: (Katara) Eeny, meeny, miny, mo!
Slowly she peeled off the skin. Inside, were small circular bits.
BF: We like to call them "seeds".
Only these were light green.
BF: Damn, is this the fruit they make Skittles out of? Taste the rainbow, indeed!
Hesitantly Katara placed one on her tongue and started to chew.
BF: Gee, I hope she moved her tongue before she started to chew.
(Katara) This fruit tastes like blood...and pain.
A light tingly sensation warmed her right down to her toes. She felt like she was walking on air and picked all the fruits up before running back to camp.
BF: Oh great. What was feared as poison has now become a narcotic.
"Katara!" Sokka ran up to her when he spotted her. "Where have you-FOOD!" He grabbed the nearest fruit to him
BF: (Sokka, recoiling from Katara's slap) What was that for?
(Katara, indignant) That was my boob, not a fruit, idiot!
and tore off the peeling like a child on Christmas morning.
BF: (Sokka) Oh boy, what I always wanted: questionable fruit!
He put four of the little fruits inside into his mouth.
BF: Setting a new world record.
"Mmmm."
BF: (Sokka) Tastes like addiction!
"Aang?" Katara realized he hadn't come.
BF: Give him a few more yanks. He'll come.
Where is he? I hope he's okay...
She had a startled and fearful look on her face.
BF: (Aang, annoyed) I CAN take a pee all by myself, you know!
"Relax Katara. I'm sure he's fine.
BF: (Aang) Guys, I'm just taking a whiz!
When he woke up and you weren't there he went to search for you.
BF: (Aang, waking up astonished) What? Katara isn't latched to my side? Something must have happened!
But hey, he's the Avatar. What's the worst that could happen?"
BF: Sokka OBVIOUSLY needs to rewatch all the A:TLA episodes again.
Sokka shrugged as though to make her feel better.
BF: (Sokka) What, a little world doom? No biggie!
Katara stared at him in disbelief. "What's the worst that could happen? The worst that could happen? Sokka! He could get killed! Or hurt! Or attacked!
BF: (Katara, frantic) Or he could fall into the toilet and get stuck!
Or-Aang!"
"Katara!" Aang ran up to her, and hugged her.
"Are you okay Aang?" Katara looked at him worried,
BF: (Katara) You were gone for *two whole minutes*!
as though Zuko would jump out of Aang's body.
BF: Whoa! I'd be WAY past worried if that happened!
"Of course. Hey, watch this!" He smiled mischievously before putting his hands
BF: Under his arms for another symphony of armpit farts.
behind his back for a moment and pulling them back out to reveal a marble spinning in circles in mid-air between them.
BF: (spooky voice) Oooooh, where did that marble come from? You'll never knoooow!
Katara smiled relived that Aang was all right and gave him some of the food she had found.
BF: (Katara) No bodily injuries...here's your reward!
Sokka, Katara, and Aang sat around laughing as the watched Momo dance around them
BF: Dancing With the Stars—Avatar Style!
after eating a piece of the fruit and get pretty hyper.
BF: Lemurs on narcotic fruit = pure hilarity.
Afterwards Sokka packed up camp while Aang and Katara were supposed to be looking for more food.
BF: Preferable something that didn't leave them stoned.
But that's not necessarily.
BF: ...what they ended up doing, since they were way to high to accomplish even the simplest of tasks.
(Aang) Man, I wish we weren't so wasted that we couldn't even collect food.
(Katara) I know! I have the worst case of munchies right now!
They were racing each other down the beach. Katara occasionally soaked Aang with
BF: Her super soaker.
(Aang, yelping) Hey! That had ice chunks in it!
the water from the beach. Aang occasionally did too unless he was bending the wind to blow such a strong gust at Katara that she was lifted off her feet and into the air, and then he would
BF: Pile drive her into the ground at hurricane force!
make another gust put her back on her feet.
"Guys!" Sokka yelled from camp.
BF: (Sokka) Stop dicking around!
"It's time to go!"
Katara ran back to Appa and jumped into the basket and Aang jumped in after her.
BF: (singing) Hop in the bison, let's go for a ride~!
"Yip, yip!" Aang called to Appa and they rose into the air. A few hours later it was very late
BF: Huh? I'm no math whiz, but doesn't "a few hours" after noon mean "afternoon"?
and Aang landed on another small island like the one before.
BF: (Aang) What!? *Another* island of misfit toys? How many of these things are there?!
But this one was different somehow...he could feel it.
BF: No narcotic fruit to munch on.
But with Katara and Sokka asleep in the back, he fell asleep without another thought about it. What he didn't know, was that on this particular island, was danger.
BF: Danger, thy name is FRUIT WITHDRAWALS!
Prince Zuko crept out silently with his troops.
BF: If Uncle caught him and the crew sneaking out past curfew, there would be hell to pay.
He had made a different plan the night before to catch the Avatar.
BF: (Zuko) Okay, fishing rods aren't working with this guy...so we're going to try butterfly nets.
BF: Whoa! Haven't seen that many X's since the last Bachelor Convention!
How does he do it?
BF: The power of friendship?
Every time he had the Avatar cornered he somehow managed to slip through his fingers.
BF: (Princess Leia) The tighter you make your grip, the more that will slip through your fingers!
Zuko had mapped every particular detail of the times he had captured Aang.
BF: The soft grayness of his eyes, the deft, nimble movements of his hands, the developing muscles under his skin...all recorded in painful detail.
He glanced at all the complicated drawings
BF: Of questionable nature...
and maps, and suddenly it hit him. Of course...
BF: (Zuko) I must SEDUCE the Avatar!
XxxxxxxxXXXXXXXxxxxxxxEnd of Flash backxxxxxxxxxxXXXXXXXXXxxxxx
BF: Man, reading that pagebreak is like sticking your finger in a socket!
Slowly Zuko pulled out the bags he'd brought and tip toed over past Aang.
BF: Wait...what? "Sneak up on them and stuff them in a bag"? THAT was your plan?
(Zuko) Yeah...what of it?
(BF) It's just...kinda anticlimatic.
Quietly, but quickly he and his soldiers stuffed a cloth into Sokka's mouth, so he couldn't talk,
BF: (Zuko) Anything to get the guy to shut up for two seconds...
and tied ropes to his arms and legs so he couldn't move either, before they threw him into one of the sacks and tying it quickly shut.
BF: (Sokka) Dammit, it smells in here!
Over on the other side Katara had the same fate.
BF: The same sacky fate.
She woke abruptly when one of the soldiers stuffed a damp cloth in her mouth. It tasted salty.
BF: Hmm. A damp cloth that tastes salty. Wonder what THAT was used to clean up...
She tried to fight back but they tied her with ropes that were uncomfortably too tight and threw her into a smaller sack before tying it tightly.
BF: Wow, Zuko's being pretty hard on Katara.
Katara winced as someone kicked the bag hard. The foot collided with her stomach and she doubled over, winded.
BF: Really hard! Geez, why was he so gentle on Sokka?
(Zuko, to crew) Leave the pony-tailed one. I want him still pretty for our "date".
What about Aang and Sokka? She thought fearfully. She hadn't seen any of them.
BF: Sacks have a tendency to block vision.
I hope they're all right.
Meanwhile, Zuko was watching and making sure it was as silent as possible, and they didn't wake the Avatar.
BF: He mentally cursed himself when Katara made a squeaky noise after being kicked.
It was all part of the plan.
BF: The "stick 'em in a sack" plan.
He hadn't seen it before, but every time the Avatar got away, the girl and her brother always played a part. It was brilliant.
BF: Ingenious in it's simplicity!
He watched as the two hostages where thrown onto the ship they had docked on the beach when they arrived. Soon enough, the Avatar would come to save his girlfriend and her brother.
BF: Wait...what?
Then he would capture him as well.
BF: Whaaat? But he's right there!
Zuko saw no flaw in his brilliant plan
BF: Really? How's this: "THE AVATAR IS RIGHT IN FRONT OF YOU AND TOTALLY UNGUARDED! GET HIM, RETARD!!"
as he walked up onto the ship and it cast off into the sea. Leaving Aang, alone with only Appa and Momo.
BF: You know...Momo and Appa have done more than their fair share of saving Aang's ass in the past...
(Zuko) Yeah, but there is NO way I am cleaning up after them. It's bad enough with the Water Tribe Wonder Twins.
Katara felt tired and weary, thinking that she maybe was alone in a bag and being held hostage by the Fire Nation.
BF: Oh, you think so? Now, what could have led you to that conclusion?
Maybe I'm not a hostage. Maybe they just want Aang but decided to take me just for the fun of killing me.
BF: (Zuko) Killing helpless people is one of catching the Avatar's biggest perks!
Her heart raced as the ship moved along. Oh, Aang. Where are you? Sokka, help me.
BF: (Sokka) With what? My telekinesis?
Her eyes closed and that was her last thought before drifting into an uncomfortable sleep.
BF: Yeah, sacks put me out like a light too. Same thing with cars.
The next morning Aang got up slowly. "Katara?" He called groggily. "What's for breakfast?"
BF: (Aang) Special magic fruit?
He heard no reply except the sound of Appa breathing.
BF: (Aang) You know, we really gotta do something about that phlegm, buddy...
"Katara?" He called again, still no reply.
BF: (Aang) Answer the phone, will you?
Where is she? "Sokka? Katara? Where are you guys? Is this some sort of joke?
BF: (Aang) Am I being punked?
Okay, I climbing off of Appa now." Slowly he climbed off,
BF: Then slipped.
(Aang) Okay, I'm falling off Appa now!
waiting for one of them to pop out and shout "Fooled you!" or something.
BF: That "or something" being "Will you get off my ass already? I'd like some privacy too, ya know!"
But the quiet was eerie.
BF: (Aang) It's quiet...too quiet....where are my sidekicks?!
He looked down and gasped.
BF: (Aang) I have FEET!
It was Katara's necklace.
BF: Ya know, she really needs to be more careful where she leaves that thing.
She would have noticed it fall off.
BF: Like how she noticed on that prison ship time several hours after it fell off and Haru indirectly pointed it out?
But it wasn't until he looked toward the back off Appa was he truly frightened. Laying there in the sand a glove, and not just any glove, one bearing the Fire Nation sign.
BF: (dramatic, baritone voice) The gauntlet has been thrown down!
"Get up girl!" A man kicked Katara's sack and grunted.
BF: (Katara) I miss the sun. It was much more gentle in waking me up.
She heard sounds of movement.
BF: She heard Art of Noise too.
(Katara) Oooh, I love this song!
It wasn't just a nightmare. It really happened.
BF: So that means it was REALLY a nightmare!
A tear rolled down Katara's cheek and when she instinctively reached up to wipe it away, her rope bindings stopped her from moving very far.
BF: (Katara) Oh, how will I wipe my emo tear now?
She saw where they had dug into her skin and broken it. Little droplets of blood were all over her clothes from being kicked.
BF: Wow, didn't know kicking could result in blood loss.
(Fire Nation Soldier) Razor blades are standard issue in all boots.
The air in the bag was stale.
BF: Katara greatly regretted eating at Bernie's Barrito Shack before being shoved into the sack.
(Katara) The smell....*gag*....
If I'm in here too long I could suffocate. But maybe that's what they want...
BF: Death by Fart Suffocation. Tis not a pretty demise.
She coughed and the cloth in her mouth gagged her.
BF: With its nasty, salty taste.
Help. She thought weakly.
BF: Geez, Katara, you're not even going to TRY to escape? You know, which some sort of attempt at waterbending or wriggling free?
It was nearly noon when they were let out of the bags.
BF: (Soldier) Okay, we're letting you out on good behavior, but any funny business, and your guys are going straight back in!
A large man opened Katara's sack and threw her out of the sack by the scruff of her clothes. She tried to wiggle out of the man's grip but the ropes still prevented her from doing anything too strong.
BF: So then, being out on the *ocean*, she used her waterbending to stun him, then collected water around the rope and froze it. After she shattered the ice bonds, she grabbed Sokka and dove overboard where she used waterbending to motorboat away. Right? Right?!!
Two men forced her into a dark prison cell at the bottom of the ship.
BF: Or she could just do nothing at all. That works too.
She looked up feebly and saw Sokka in the corner and looking just as surprised as she was.
BF: (Sokka) You're bunking here too?!
She tried her best to crawl over to her brother
BF: But, being the incapable wuss she is in this fic....
and after a few attempts finally managed to meet him in the middle of the cell. She curled up next him and the two of them fell asleep together.
BF: Those two better still be gagged. Otherwise I see no reason why these two should not be swapping information and making escape plans.
Aang had set out on Appa to find them. They had been flying for hours and still no sign on Sokka, Katara, or the Fire Nation.
BF: Gee, Zuko, how do you plan to have the Avatar follow you if you leave him *no clues*?
He sighed and clutched Katara's necklace close to his chest. Going back memory lane,
BF: Which ran parallel to Nostalgia Street.
he remembered he'd run away and fell into the ocean where he'd froze himself and Appa in an iceberg. The next thing he remembers was seeing Katara's face.
BF: (Aang, waking up) GAAAH!
What if I never see her again? Aang's heart ached. It was his entire fault they were taken.
BF: (Aang) Curse me for being such a heavy sleeper!
It was obvious this was another one of Zuko's traps
BF: The fact that "ZUKO WUZ HERE" was scrawled into the sand of the place they were kidnapped was a big tipoff.
to lure Aang right into
BF: His bed.
the palm of his hand and Aang knew he was walking straight into
BF: His bed.
it. But he was going to get his friends back. No matter how much it cost him in return.
BF: Like...the safety of the world?
Katara woke up next to Sokka who was awake as well. She could move her mouth now. The cloth had fallen out sometime while she was asleep.
BF: Fallen out? Couldn't she have gotten it out earlier somehow? So she could plan her escape with Sokka?
It lay next to Sokka's who's appeared to have fallen out as well.
BF: (Katara) Hey, Sokka, was your gag moist and salty too?
(Sokka, grossed out) Yeah.
It reminded her of her situation.
BF: That she could be stuck in the same room with Sokka for a long time.
(Katara) Noooo! I spend enough time with him on the saddle!
Aang, what if I never see you again? A tear trickled down her face and her heart ached so bad it was almost too hard to bear.
BF: Wait...that's your situation? Whimpering like an idiot? WHERE are the daring escape plans?
Sokka looked at her consolingly and it almost comforted Katara.
BF: Almost.
(Katara, sniffling) *You're* not Aang!
But a guard walked up and opened the door.
BF: (Guard) Okay, time for your walk.
"Her." He motioned at three guards behind him who walked over and untied Katara before pulling her roughly up by her arms and forcing her walk. "Prince Zuko will see you now."
BF: Ho, but I thought Zuko like his ladies tied up when he spoke to them?
Sokka jumped up and tried to grab Katara by the arm and pull her back, but
BF: It was pretty futile. He should stick to spouting out acid insults.
(Sokka) Your mama is so ugly, every time she firebends, her face makes the fire go out!
(Guards) Oooooooh!!
a large flame pushed him back. He fearfully glanced at his sister who stood frightened. "Katara, I, I..." Sokka hung his head. "I'm sorry."
BF: (Sokka) ...That my safety from fire is more important than your safety from Zuko.
Katara smiled, relieved that he was all right. She knew he was no match for three Fire Nation guards, even with her help.
BF: (Sokka, annoyed) Gee, thanks for putting me in good faith.
She gave him on last hopeful look that said, "It's going to be okay Sokka. I can feel it." Before the guards pushed her forward and out of Sokka's sight.
BF: (Sokka) Hey! Wait! Bring her back! I hadn't finished reading the whole sentence her face spelled out!
Aang hadn't slept for over a day.
BF: Azula and her Fire Nazi tank wouldn't stop following him!
He was tired but every time he started to doze of he had nightmares about Zuko laughing hysterically
BF: Ooh, Zuko laughing? That IS a scary thought!
with Katara and Sokka's dead bodies on the floor.
BF: (Zuko, thoughtfully) Don't they make just the handsomest throwrugs?
He hadn't seen any Fire Nation ships or any sign of them at all.
BF: (Aang) Gee Zuko, kinda making it hard for me to FIND you!
(Zuko) Ha! Not so fun being the chaser, is it?
He was starting to lose hope.
BF: In Zuko's competency.
(Aang) All I'm saying is, if your going to lay a trap for me, at least LEAD me to it!
He was starting to think about doing something rash
BF: (Aang) I'll kidnap Zuko's daddy while he's sleeping! That'll put a fire under his ass!
but he spotted an island with a women lying motionless on the beach.
BF: Uh Oh. Mysterious woman lying unconscious on a beach? My Mary Sue senses are tingling!
He didn't know who she was
BF: Duh! A suntanner!
but stopped Appa and turned him toward the island where they landed gently a few yards away from her. Aang jumped out and ran to the woman.
BF: (Aang) Lady, you seen a psychopath traveling with a captured Water Tribe brother and sister?
(Lady) No, but I do see a bald kid blocking my sun.
She appeared to be about twenty or so,
BF: Twenty? Pretty old for a Sue. Most Sues don't go past age sixteen in the Avatarverse, else they wouldn't be able to get it on with Zuko without feeling like a pedophile.
and was tall with light brown hair. She was wearing a plain white dress that went to her ankles and had long sleeves.
BF: Well, at least the detail of her clothes aren't several paragraphs long. That's a plus.
She lay sprawled on the ground
BF: Drunk as a skunk.
with a basket of apples spilled messily beside her.
BF: (pause of horror) Whoa....whoa....apples? This isn't an older version of Echo, is it?
That told Aang she hadn't just decided to take a nap on the middle of the beach.
BF: It told him there was a good chance she was narcaleptic!
He fell to his knees beside her and groped her
BF: Boobs. I mean, c'mon what else do you grope?
wrist for a pulse. There was a strong heartbeat but she was unconscious. Aang started to gently shake her awake.
BF: Throwing in a few slaps, just to be safe.
"Come on. Wake up. It's all right. Your safe now."
BF: Safe from what, a nap on the beach?
He consoled her gently as her eyes slowly opened and she started talking.
BF: Crap. Sue chatter. I hate that.
"Marie...gone...berries...water..." The woman babbled on as Aang tried to decipher what she had said.
BF: Riiiiiight. Aang, this would be your cue to leave.
"What...is...your...name?" He said every word as slowly as possible.
BF: Aang, speaking slower to crazy people doesn't mean a thing.
She repeated the same message as before. "Marie...gone...berries...water..."
"Marie? Is...that...your...name?" Aang tried to communicate with her.
BF: No way. Who would name their OC in an Asain influenced cartoon Marie?
"Marie...gone...berries...water..." The same message, but this time she said something else along with it. "Fire...blood...knife..."
BF: (Aang) Ohhh, is that your full name? Marie-Gone-Berries-Water Fire-Blood-Knife? Strange name...
She fell unconscious before Aang could ask anything else.
BF: (Aang) Hey, crazy Fire Nation prince—you seen him?
Fire? The Fire Nation maybe?
BF: Or a campfire gone horribly wrong?
What about blood? Was Marie a
BF: Wanna-be vampire?
hostage held by the Fire Nation? Maybe they killed her, with a knife?
BF: We can only hope!
Aang couldn't even begin to guess the rest of the possibilities of the woman's bizarre massage.
BF: (Aang) She said "gone" and "berries" and "water"....my god...did the Fire nation steal her berry juice too?!
He ran up to the closet villager
BF: Since he couldn't find any villagers that had come out into the open about themselves.
he could find, a man who looked about twenty-five or so.
BF: I appreciate all these older villagers, but I'm really wondering what's going on.
He grabbed him by the
BF: Short 'n curlies.
arm and led him to the woman.
BF: Where she proceeded to eat them alive.
"I know she's alive. She just talked to me.
BF: (Aang) I also have a good suspicion this lady is completely off her rocker.
She kept saying something about Marie being gone and berries and water."
BF: Maybe Marie took the berries and water, and knocked this chick unconscious?
"Marie?" He looked frightened. "Did she say Marie? Oh no. Oh no."
"What?" Aang had hoped this man would know something.
BF: (Man) That sounds like a badly named Mary Sue...I believe the correct term in this case is "Marie Sue".
"Well, first, did she say anything else?" He glanced at Aang sternly.
BF: (Man, nervous) She didn't mention me, did she?
"Well, yeah, something about fire, blood, and a knife."
BF: (Man) She was reciting goth poetry while unconscious?
The man gasped before continuing slowly. "Well, yes of course. But, how? Marie never, well, until lately. I suppose she...yes."
BF: Hey, this is an Avatar fic, not flippin' Murder She Wrote. Can we get back to the AVATAR characters now? I really don't care about Marie Sue.
"Who's Marie?" Aang blurted out. He was feeling a little awkward, but like this could help Sokka and Katara somehow.
BF: Uh, this CAN'T help them. You should leave now before...(looks down the page)...before ANYONE has to suffer that long ass life story this dude's about to tell.
"I suppose I could tell you."
BF: NO.
He checked to make sure the woman was breathing before beginning.
BF: You should check to see if she's breathing afterwards. Cause I have this sinking feeling this story is gonna have the same effect as euthanasia.
"Well, a while back our village was peaceful. We had not intention of involving with the war.
BF: Yeah, Kyoshi Island tried that. Didn't work.
But, of course, the Fire Nation attacked. Our rulers,
BF: Bert and Ernie.
King Domin
BF: Also known as King Domin Domer.
and his wife, Queen Sahara,
BF: Oh, what, naming our characters after African deserts now? At this point, I think our author would be better off blindly stabbing her finger on any random page of a Japanese dictionary to find a name.
tried desperately to keep them away.
BF: (King and Queen, waving hands) Shoo! Shoo!
Eventually the Fire Nation tried to attack the King and Queen to get them out of the way.
BF: (One Fire Nation Soldier to another) Quick, shoot a spitball at them!
Domin knew that they were in the castle.
BF: Mrs. Potts had warned him.
(Mrs. Potts) Sire! The castle is under attack!
(Domin) ...Let them come.
Sahara was going to give birth soon
BF: (seeing where this is going) Oh hell no.
and he decided to save her and the baby, risking his life.
BF: Oh HELL no. Please tell me our Marie Sue is *not* that princess!
They attacked him and he was killed.
BF: Yay!
Soon they found Sahara trying to escape on a boat.
BF: (Fire Nation Soldier) Look out there, on the moat! Someone is trying to use a Swan paddleboat to escape!
They captured her and took her hostage. That night in the castle the Fire Lord had taken over, Sahara had a baby girl in one of the dudgeons.
BF: Not an easy task. Lemme tell you, dungeon rats make lousy midwives!
She quickly named her Marie
BF: Marie. Why Marie? Can't you think of something more Asian sounding? You might at well name her George Washington!
before a guard came and killed her on the Fire Lord's orders.
BF: Yay: the sequel!
Now, Marie was well hidden in the Queen's cloak, which the guard didn't bother to take.
BF: Waaaaiiiiit...what? You mean a bawling, squirming infant completely escaped the guard's notice? Because....of a CLOAK? Or the fact that Mommy Sahara, who was pregnant earlier that day suddenly...wasn't? I think this little snippet wins the Implausibility Award for this year!
Eventually, we fought back hard enough
BF: (Villagers) Shoo! SHOO!
and earned our village back again.
BF: It took a lot of car washes, but they earned it!
Marie was found a day later, nearly dead.
BF: Being stuck under a cloak with no milk can have that effect on infants.
It took our best healers weeks to keep her alive.
BF: (To healers) Don't you people have something better to do? Like heal the wounded from the castle takeover?
Finally, she was healthy. Since then she has been watched over by the maids.
BF: Maids = wild kangaroos.
The Royal Advisers were in charge of ruling until she came of age at sixteen.
BF: Of course, *no one* planned to allow her to live that long....
She's only eleven
BF: ...young enough to boink Aang. Woo-hoo!
and all I know was that she left the castle for a walk on the beach. (Every one's informed where she goes so she doesn't get hurt or lost.)
BF: Or escape.
But I also know some Fire Nation ships were spotted nearby.
BF: And yet they let her out anyway. (Evil grin) I knew they were trying to whack her...
They must have taken her.
BF: Where? Dancing?
I don't know for sure, but I think the guards from the palace were walking with her since they Fire Nation was so close by. But even the most well trained warriors wouldn't stand a chance against an entire ship full of Fire Nation soldiers.
BF: And yet they STILL let her out. (Evil grin) Yup, definitely trying to whack her.
Even with our earth bending.
BF: What about your plausibility bending?
Wait, who did you say you were?" The man stared at him.
BF: (Aang) I'm a wandering ronin!
"I didn't. My name is Aang." Aang felt even more terrible, now he knew the Fire Nation had Katara and Sokka along with another girl.
BF: Poor Sokka and Katara, having to suffer Marie Sue!
"Those are some nice tattoos you've got there.
BF: (Aang, thinking) Is this guy hitting on me?
I suppose you're a water bender?" He pointed at Aang's arrow on his forehead.
BF: Noooo, he's an airbender, silly! Though I can see how you would make that mistake, what with every waterbender you see nowadays running around bald with arrow tattoos. </sarcasm>
"Well, there not tattoos
BF: Nope, Aang just doodled on himself with a ballpoint pen.
(Aang) Helps me get through Katara's lectures.
and I'm sort of a water bender. I'm just learning."
BF: (Aang) And kicking ass at it!
Aang didn't feel like explaining everything to a man he'd just met.
BF: He'd have to wait until the second date.
Just to be on the safe side.
BF: Better pack some condoms too, Aang.
"But do you know where the ships are now? They have my friend's on them."
BF: Maybe. For all we know, it could have been Zhao who stole her away.
(Zhao) Like hell I'm stupid enough to do that!
"Got
BF: Milk?
a girl, eh?"
BF: Yup. "Friend held hostage on ship" = "in a committed relationship".
He checked the woman's pulse again.
BF: (Man)...Hm. Should pulses go to the beat of Beastie Boy songs?
He must have been beating
BF: Her senseless.
because he turned to Aang and smiled.
BF: (Man) She's dead, Jim!
Why is he asking me about girls?
BF: (Aang, thinking) He IS hitting on me!
"Well, one's a girl, Katara, and her brother Sokka."
BF: (Man) Oh, you're into those threesome things, huh?
Aang said hastily not understanding the question.
BF: But catching the implication underneath.
"I need to know which direction the Fire Nation went in, umm..."
"Maro."
BF: Ah, now we have a Maro Sue too. Good to see we have a variety of Sue.
Maro looked at Aang aggravated.
BF: (Maro) Don't make fun of my name! Even if it is stupid!
"And how am I supposed to know?
BF: (Maro) I'm just the village idiot!
I don't go looking for Fire Benders! I avoid them! What kind of crazy person would go looking for Fire Benders?"
BF: Someone with a cigarette and wet matches?
He shouted as though accusing Aang of being crazy.
BF: Hey, Aang isn't the one shouting about berries and water and knives, buddy!
It was the first time in their short encounter Aang had seen Maro angry.
BF: And the first time he had to suffer Maro's mood swings.
(Maro) SHUT UP! I'M PRETTY!!!
Aang paused for a moment to think...I can't believe I'm doing this but...
BF: (Aang) Dressing up in drag and doing the hula is not my thing...
"The Avatar." Aang quietly replied.
BF: Hm. I thought the Avatar ran away from firebenders...
(Jeong Jeong) Are you joking? The boy won't leave me alone for a second!
"The Avatar's dead you silly boy.
BF: If the Avatar—in this case, Aang—had died, the spirit would have reincarnated itself. Does this person even WATCH the show?
(Author) I consult Wikipedia for all my information needs!
He has been for one-hundred years."
BF: (Maro, with spooky voice) But some say....he comes out on the nights of a full moon...to eat bad children!
Maro glared at Aang. They were almost friends and now Maro was treating him like vermin.
BF: Uh, Aang? Treating like vermin =/= best fwends.
"No, he's not. He's not dead. I know he's not." Aang mumbled.
BF: (Aang) He's tied up in the backseat of my car, still squirming around.
"How would you know? You're just a kid." Maro smirked at Aang, as though superior to him.
BF: Yup. Jackasses trump the Avatar any day of the week!
This time Aang glared back with his voice rising in fury.
BF: (Aang, thinking) No, no, I mustn't get mad. He could be retarded.
"I know the Avatar's alive.
BF: (Aang, edgy) I can FEEL it!
I know because the Avatar is me! I am the Avatar.
BF: Finally. Damn. Why couldn't Aang just have told Maro this before, and spared us the painful dialog?
And I can prove it."
BF: (Aang, pulling out driver's licence) See? Avatar.
(Maro) You know, this thing has been expired for a hundred years.
(Aang) Really?
Aang walked over to Appa. "This is Appa, my Flying Bison.
BF: (Maro, not impressed) Uh-huh. (Points to unconscious Crazy Lady) And this is my flying Crazy Person.
I supposed you know what a Flying Bison is don't you?" Aang shouted at him.
BF: (Maro) On account of I don't know my elbows from my ass, I'm gonna say no.
Angry that he had delayed him in his search for Sokka and Katara,
BF: With the stupid Marie Sue Princess biography.
and furious that he
BF: Actually SAT through it.
wouldn't even say which direction the Fire Nation ship went in.
BF: Too busy detailing Marie's angsty past.
He pulled out his glider from one of the packs and jumped off the ground. He flew around the man and landed next to Appa again. "So you believe me now?" He asked.
"No. That's a simple glider even a child like you could operate." Maro was still smirking.
BF: (Maro) Humph! That's not flying! It's falling...with *style*!
This time Aang sent such a powerful wind at Maro that
BF: Aang's massive fart registered a 5.0 on the Richter Scale.
(Maro) Lost...all sense...of hearing.....and smell....
he was swept off of his feet
BF: By Aang's dashing good looks.
and flew ten feet through the air before falling in a heap on the sand.
BF: Right where the cat buried it's business.
Maro eyes widened in fear.
BF: (Maro) You said you were a waterbender! You even have an arrow on your head like they do!
(Aang) -_-;;
"N-n-north." He spurted before jumping to his feet, snatching the woman up in his arms and running up to the village up ahead.
BF: Woo, he must be pretty fit to drag that dead weight around!
(Maro) Well, I'm moving the story forward, aren't I?
Aang flew onto Appa. "Yip yip! He shouted halfway onto the Bison. Appa jerked upward and once again they were flying. Only this time, they had a faint idea of where they were going.
BF: (Aang) Okay, so we've eliminated the southern half of the globe...well, that's a start.
The guards led Katara down the hall way and around a corner.
BF: Pausing at the drugstore to pick up a pack of smokes.
The entire ship was metal.
BF: For the longest time, Katara had been convinced it was made of gingerbread.
(Katara, biting door) Man, this stuff sure is stale!
One wall she had brushed up against.
BF: (Guard) Hey, you, stop marking the walls!
It was cold, just like her heart.
BF: Uh...wrong waterbender, yo. It should be: "It was cold, like Pakku's biting commentary."
(Pakku) Damn right.
(BF) Or Pakku's bed. Coz he's a bitter old bachelor.
(Pakku) ..... (freezes Booter)
If only she had driven for a while, none of this would have happened.
BF: Actually, if she hadn't fallen asleep on the beach, this wouldn't have happened.
She tried not to think about Sokka and Aang,
BF: Or Zuko, for that matter.
(Katara, strained) Mustn't think about...rippling muscles...!
it was to hard to think what might happen to Sokka while she was gone,
BF: Don't drop the soap, Sokka.
and let alone what Aang was going to face when he found them.
BF: A very horny Zuko.
(Zuko) Now, hop in bed, Avatar!
If he finds us, Katara reminded herself.
BF: Because in an amazing act of incompetency, Zuko left without any clues for Aang to follow.
(Zuko) Gee, why hasn't he shown up yet? Obviously he doesn't love his Water Tribe friends very much. Not that I can blame him.
There was and upside and downside to both situations.
BF: All the downsides being the bad writing.
If Aang didn't find them, he would be safe. Katara decided not to think about what would happen to Sokka and her.
BF: (Zuko) I'll make you into my scantily clad service slaves!
(Sokka) Damn! Once AGAIN I'm forced to wear women's clothes!
But if Aang did find them, Sokka and her would be safe,
BF: Uh, REALLY?
but Aang might not be.
BF: No one is safe from Zuko's smex.
(Zuko, to Aang) Come for your friends, stay for the fiery sex!
"In here." The man to her left side pushed her in the room in front of her. Inside was a sort of shrine with lit candles and Zuko in front of it.
BF: LOL, shrine to Zuko!
(Zuko, with a gleaming smile) Over 8 million across the globe!
"So, what do we have here?"
BF:(Guard) Uh, a Water Tribe girl, sir.
(Zuko) I know that! I was trying to be witty!
He turned to face her and Katara felt years of white-hot
BF: Arousal
hatred flow through her body.
BF: (Katara) Uhh...should hatred mostly flow around the groin area, though?
"What do you want with us Zuko?"
BF: SEX.
Katara glared at him. She knew perfectly well what he wanted
BF: SEX.
but she wasn't thinking straight and her mouth was moving faster than her brain could process.
BF: ORAL SEX?
"To face the powers of a mighty water bender with the powers of a fire bender." He smirked. There was no way he couldn't win.
BF: *coughseigeofthenorthparttwocough*
"I don't care what you do to me.
BF: (Katara, spread eagle) I don't care if you roughly molest me right now!
(Zuko) Uh...
(Katara, waiting) ....right now!
You are never going to defeat Aang though." Katara felt herself say.
BF: Katara also felt herself scratch her ass, and also felt herself see Zuko seeing herself feeling herself scratching her ass.
"Foolish girl. I will kill the Avatar,
BF: Uh. But then how's he going to get his honor back? And what about the reincarnation cycle? Research, folks! It does wonders for your fic!
just like I'm about to kill you."
BF: Yeah, that nutty Zuko and his insane bloodlust. (Shakes head)
Zuko took his fighting stance but Katara held her ground.
BF: (Toph) Like a true earthbender!
"You're just upset because you can't beat a twelve-year-old."
BF: (Zuko) Yeah, a twelve year old with the power of God in his fingertips!
Katara knew she was headed for
BF: Rough sex.
trouble, but she needed to buy as much time for Sokka and herself as she could
BF: By jumping into a dangerous situation? Uhhh....
if Aang really was coming. Come on Aang. I can't beat Zuko.
BF: (Katara) I can't beat him! His father already did that!
(Zuko, growling) You...
"Have you ever wondered why he hasn't come for you yet? Maybe he
BF: Has NO frikkin' clue where you are.
doesn't care about you or your brother after all." He was provoking her. He wanted a chance to attack her.
BF: I bet he does. *wink*
Katara knew that, but she didn't care.
BF: Katara LIKED putting herself into blatantly dangerous positions!
"Yes-he-does!" She shouted and sent Zuko flying off his feet from a blast of water she had in a canteen under her dress.
BF: Wait a second...she had that thing the WHOLE TIME? And she never used it? (EXPLODES)
(Zuko) Hey...what else are you keeping under that dress? (Gets waterwhipped)
huge fireball sent toward Katara's head, which she blocked with another burst
BF: Of real juice flavor!
of water. She tried to water whip him but
BF: The only fic Zuko gets whipped in is "Detours".
it quickly evaporated with the flame he sent out. Katara jumped out of the way just in time. It wasn't long before she was throwing water at every part of Zuko she could reach.
BF: Thoroughly enjoying how his clothes clung to his body as she did so.
When she realized it wasn't working,
BF: (Katara) But...Zuko is soaking wet...why isn't victory mine yet?
she starting dodging or putting out flames that Zuko sent at her. They stood glaring at each other, panting heavily.
BF: There's only one road this can go down, and that's the kinky one.
"Hiya!" Zuko sent a fireball twice the size of Katara at her before she had time to react, but it was to late.
BF: OH NOES!!11one
Aang searched for over an hour before spotting a small fishing boat.
BF: The S.S. Singing Bass.
The fisherman told him the Fire Nation had passed
BF: gas
by not long ago. He sped up Appa and after about five minutes of tense anticipation, he saw a figure of the water.
BF: Better not be a Mary Sue taking a refreshing swim.
Please, please let it be them. He held his breath and was relieved for the first time in his life to see it was a Fire Nation ship.
BF: That doesn't mean it's Zuko's, you know...
(Aang) Oh, it is. I can tell by how small it is.
(Zuko, grinding teeth) .......
Grabbing his glider he jumped off Appa and landed on an empty deck. That's strange. He had been preparing for six or seven guards to be on deck.
BF: At *least* someone taking the kimono rhinos out for a walk!
"Katara? Sokka?" He called. The only answer he got was the wind whistling in his ear.
BF: (Aang, whistling too) What a catchy tune!
He went and opened a door on deck.
BF: Aaaaaand, what's behind door number one?
There were stairs behind it.
BF: Holy shit, stairs!!!!
Taking what could have been his last breath outside,
BF: Treasure the moments.
he turned and determinedly walked straight towards the heart of the Fire Nation ship.
BF: You know, Aang, the fastest way to a Fire Nation ship's heart is through it's stomach.
When he reached the bottom he turned down a random hallway.
BF: Just, you know, whatever hallway.
Why aren't there any people here? Is it an abandoned ship?
BF: Nah, the crew's all down in the brig, enjoying Music Night!
He was in a prison. He passed nearly twenty cells on the first row. Some were empty, other had things like stale pieces of bread,
BF: Some where painted pink with matching curtains.
or skeletons bearing Water Nation or Earth Nation logos on their clothes.
BF: Because everyone has to wear their nation's logos or colors!
(Aang) This person is wearing...grey? What nation are they from?! Who are they?!! I DON'T KNOW!!!
Aang even saw one older skeleton with an Air Nation logo.
BF: Hm. Didn't realize Zuko's ship was old enough to house the skeleton of a person whose race was exterminated a hundred years ago.
(Zuko) No, we just found it and dragged it in here for decoration!
"Aang?" Aang whipped around the corner.
BF: Gripping the steering wheel and punching the gas!
(Aang) Avatar Drift!
On the next row, in the third cell on the left side was Sokka, holding two of the bars in the front was of his cell.
BF: (Aang) Wow, how did you know it was me?
(Sokka) Well, it sure as hell wasn't the guards coming down to feed me! I haven't seen anyone in DAYS!
"Sokka! Are you okay? Where's Katara?" He waited anxiously for some answers.
"Relax Aang. I'm all right.
BF: (Sokka) Besides the starving part. Can you hand me one of those stale pieces of bread?
I'm not sure about Katara though..." His voice trembled and trailed off into silence. "She-she...a guard came and took her. He said 'the Fire Lord will
BF: sex you up
see you now.' Aang, I'm worried about her."
BF: (Sokka) She's never been away from us for more than six minutes!
He choked on his word
BF: (Sokka) Gak! Too many syllables at once!
and tears formed in his eyes. He put his head down and wiped the tears away, not wanting Aang to see him crying.
BF: (Sokka) Manly men do not cry! Only emoboys like Zuko cry!
"It's okay Sokka. I'll find her, I promise. But stand back." Aang waited until Sokka was as far as possible from the cell door and Aang blasted it open with particularly good air bending.
BF: Right...because air can SO cut through metal.
(Aang) Hey! It WAS "particularly good" airbending!
(BF) Yeah...still...
But, suddenly they heard a scream from down the hall.
BF: Zuko had found another spider in his room.
"Katara!" Aang ran after where he thought he heard the scream.
Sokka leaped over the broken door and out into the hallway before setting off in a run behind Aang to find Katara.
BF: Oh, where has our little Katara gone?
Katara screamed as the flame engulfed her body.
BF: Ouchies!
Every part of it was in searing pain to difficult to bear.
BF: (Zuko) Whoops. Didn't mean to go *that* far! Maybe I shouldn't have been swiggin' propane earlier today...
She staggered forward, before falling to the ground and lying motionless.
BF: Golly, Zuko, you going to put her out or what?
(Zuko) Yeah, the smell is getting pretty bad...
Zuko smirked at the girl's limp
BF: Bizkit?
body. He started to laugh at the fact she'd even thought she could take him on. Now look at what it had cost her, her life.
BF: Obviously, this person is not a Zuko fan.
(Author) ZUKO IS TEH EVOL!!!
Aang raced down the corridor with Sokka falling
BF: On his face...
in close behind. He wretched open the door and prayed. Oh please let us not be to-...
BF: (Aang, singing) Spirits of the earth and skyyyyy....please don't let me be too laaaaate~!
Aang ran forward and fell to his knees
BF: In front of Zuko.
(Zuko) Whoa, eager today, are we?
beside Katara's body. He felt tears well up in his eyes. "Katara...No..." He felt like his heart had been ripped from his body and the pain was worse than a million knifes stabbing.
BF: (Katara, snorting) Not nearly as bad as MY pain, I bet!
"Aang! Where are-..." Sokka entered the room. His heart fell when he saw his sister.
BF: Was the pain worse than a million knives stabbing?
"No! No!" He shouted.
"So, Avatar, you finally show." Zuko was smiling as though he'd just won the lottery.
BF: (Zuko) Killing annoying water brat...about to kill Avatar....soon to have Water Tribe idiot to myself....today is a good day!
"To bad about your girlfriend.
BF: (Aang) She's not my girlfriend!
(Zuko, looking down at Katara's smoking corpse) Not anymore she isn't.
But don't worry, you'll be with her soon."
BF: (Aang) But I'm right with her now! Her body is, like, two feet away!
(Zuko) I meant spiritually.
He started to try and throw a flame at Aang, but Aang whipped around and shot a huge
BF: Wad of gum into his hair.
(Zuko) My hair! Noooo! I only have so much!
wind throwing Zuko into the back wall and onto the shrine.
BF: The shrine to his greatness.
(Zuko) Oh, look, you made me knock over a picture of me shirtless!
Meanwhile Sokka fell next to Katara.
BF: (Sokka) Whoops! Sorry Katara! Tripped on your corpse!
"I should have known you wouldn't resist the challenge...
BF: (Sokka) Like that time you told Pakku where to stick it...or that time you tried to steal from pirates...or that time you tried to out-eat Appa....
I'm sorry..." He groped her
BF: Boobies.
(Sokka) Eww...they're all crispy...
wrist
BF: Who gropes wrists, I'd like to ask? Who?
for a pulse, but he couldn't feel one. That must mean she really was...
BF: Dead? The crackling flesh didn't tip him off?
"You can't go Katara. We need you. Aang needs you...I need you..." A single tear rolled of his cheek and onto his baby sister's burnt hand.
BF: Suddenly, through the power of love, Katara was resurrected!
(Sokka, watching glowing Katara) Shiiiiny...
He didn't bother to brush it away. He reached up and pushed the hair out of her eyes.
BF: She still has hair?
It was quick. She didn't have to suffer... He tried to tell himself it was better this way then a long, painful death.
BF: Uh...it's a good thing he didn't read Katara's death scene then...
It only it hadn't been so early...
BF: (Sokka) If only it could have happened in the *evening*, after I had already eaten my dinner!
"You," Aang couldn't think of anything that was anywhere close to the pain he was feeling.
BF: (Katara, bitter) How about being burned alive?
(Aang) No....I still think a million knives is closer.
He took out his rage on Zuko. Firing blasts of water, air, and occasionally any article he could get his hands on.
BF: (Aang) Take that! (Throws The Times at Zuko) And this! (Throws Washington Post) How do you like *them* articles!?
After a few moments of fury Zuko slumped over unconscious on the floor.
BF: Phht. Pansy.
Aang got ready to deliver a fatal blow when he stopped. He felt worse than words could describe,
BF: LIKE A MILLION KNIVES WERE STABBING HIM!!!11
and he wouldn't wish that on anyone, not even Zuko.
BF: I don't know Aang...Zuko was pretty bitch-evil.
He left him on the floor and fell next to Sokka and Katara's lifeless body. "Sokka, we have to get out of here. Come on." He started to pick up Katara but Sokka stopped him.
BF: (Sokka) Can we cover her up or something first? She's really starting to smell...
"I'll get her." He picked up his sister and silently they walked to the deck of the ship where they found Appa waiting with Momo too. They climbed in and sat silently in the basket until Aang called to Appa.
"Yip, yip..." He nearly whispered the words. Appa must have sensed something wasn't right,
BF: Oh, was the smoking corpse a big clue?
because he slowly and gracefully started upward.
BF: (Aang) Hey....maybe we should bring dead bodies aboard more often!
Sokka laid Katara's body in the middle
BF: Away from *them*
of the basket at loss for words. Even Aang abandoned steering, allowing the Bison to roam as he pleased,
He sat down nest to her and stared at her expressionless face.
BF: She still HAS a face? Was she burned or not?
"Sokka, I'm sorry." Aang looked up at Sokka, the pain he was feeling was probably ten times worse than Aang's.
BF: (Sokka) IT'S LIKE *TEN* MILLION KNIVES ARE STABBING ME!!11one
"She knew it, you know." Sokka looked up at Aang.
"What?"
BF: (Sokka) That the Blue Spirit was Prince Psycho.
Aang was at loss of words.
BF: (Aang) How long has this been going on?!
He was feeling a lot of things,
BF: Mostly Katara's booty.
(Sokka) Hey! Hands off the sister!
sadness, pain, anger, but he hadn't expected confused to be one of them.
BF: (Aang) I'm so confused by my confusion!
"She knew you liked her. More than a friend I mean.
BF: Like a stalker!
She would talk in her sleep late at night, about how she never thought the great Avatar would ever like a peasant water bender like her.
BF: (singing) I hear the secrets that you keep....when you're talking in your sleep!
But she found out later on. She felt the same way." He took Katara's wrist again.
BF: And accidentally snapped it off.
Wait, it couldn't be...could it? "Aang, I think, I think I feel a pulse.
BF: -_- Whaaaat? Oh no you did not...
It's very faint, but it's there." He started to smile and even giggle.
BF: Dammit, if you're going to make them die, make them DIE! None of this "Oh waaiiit, she IS going to make it" Disney crap!
Aang moved over and tried her other wrist.
BF: And also snapped it off.
There it was. A weak pulse beating on,
BF: That apparently wasn't there before.
(Sokka) Hey, I'm a hunter, not a doctor!
but it was starting to fade.
BF: Quick, everyone, hold hands and will your life force into Katara!
"Quick Aang! I'll get some water, and start some air bending!" Sokka shouted and grabbed four or five canteens full of cold river water,
BF: Where'd those come from?
(Sokka) Under Katara's skirt
and some cloths.
BF: (smirking) Were they salty and damp?
Aang tilted Katara's head back and slowly
BF: Pressed his lips to hers. This moment courtesy of Kataang Shippers United.
started pushing and pulling air in and out of her lungs.
BF: (Katara) Ack...he's trying to kill me with hiccups!
"Come on, Katara!" Aang tried to go faster to get her heart rate up until he started shaking so bad he had to go back to doing it normally.
BF: When in doubt, do it real fast until you start to spaz!
Sokka quickly put a cold compress on Katara's forehead and started putting compresses on her burns.
BF: Where are these compresses coming from!?
(Sokka) You ever seen under Katara's skirt? It's like a cavern in there!
It was a few minutes later Sokka dared to check her pulse again.
BF: (Sokka) Do I dare check her vital signs? Do I have the bravery to help ensure her survival? Do I? DO I?!
But there it was, a strong even beat. Aang stopped bending for a moment just long enough to see Katara take a deep breath.
BF: (Katara) See, I can do rudimentary functions myself!
Aang and Sokka jumped for joy and starting shouting and dancing hysterically.
BF: The Dance of Life!
It was when Katara opened her eyes they stopped.
BF: (Aang and Sokka) Oh crap, she caught us dancing together!
"W-w-what?"
BF: Even Katara has a hard time in believing this miraculous resurrection.
(Angel Gabriel) What, do I need to step in and confirm everything?
"Katara!" Aang shouted. "You're awake!"
BF: (Aang) It's aliiiiiiiive! Wahahahahaha!
He couldn't stop himself.
BF: (Aang, singing) I'm so excited, I just can't hide it!
He reached over and kissed her.
BF: Also brought to you courtesy of Kataang Shippers United.
(Camp Zutara) It's not canon! It's not canon!
It was for only a few seconds but it seemed like hours, or days even, when they broke apart.
BF: It was only a few pages, but the fic seemed like a goddamn novel, or epic poem even, when it was over.
"Aang! Sokka!" Slowly Katara tried to lift herself to a sitting position but winced in pain.
BF: (Katara) Been sitting on my ass too much lately...
Aang and Sokka sat down beside her and helped her lean against a couple of sleeping bags.
BF: (Sleeping bags, singing) Lean on me! When you're not strong! And I'll be your friend...
"You guys are the best." She said hoarsely. She hugged her brother despite the stabbing pain
BF: (Katara) My God, it's like a million knives!
(Aang and Sokka) WE KNOW.
and leaned over and kissed Aang. "I love you Aang."
BF: (Katara) But I love you more when you save me BEFORE I nearly die.
"I love you, too Katara. I always have."
BF: (Aang) Though I love you more when you wear less.
And with that, the three of them rode off
BF: Into the sunset!
on a Flying Bison to an Earth Bending kingdom where they happened to meet an
BF: Crazy ass son of a biznatch named Bumi
eleven-year-old princess
BF: That friggin' BETTER not be Mei from "Detours"!
that was a Fire Nation captive by the name of Marie, but that's another story, entirely.
BF: Thank God, this story was bad enough without her. And I tell you, that last run on sentence was longer than Iroh's list of Best Loved Teas!
****
Pretty bad without the Sue...I can only imagine this story taking a turn for the drastically shitty once our Marie Sue does make her infamous appearance. *shudder* Anyhow, onto the damnations:
Redeeming Feature:
Well, I have to say, this is the first fic I've come across that didn't try to romanticize Zuko. It didn't even try to sex him up! In fact, I think it knocked him up a few points on the Badass Mutha-shut your mouth-O Meter. This fic definitely wins for not making him someone's spineless love slave....even if Psycho!Zuko is scary as hell.
Oh, and the Sue didn't show up. That kinda works for me too.
Rap Sheet:
~ Marie Sue. Marie?! Come ON, people, Avatar doesn't not take place in France! Or any of Europe for that matter! The author could have at least taken the "e" off at the end!
~Oh, and she's a princess. Major minus points with me there.* Double* them for her having survived a major calamity. TRIPLE the points because how the HELL do you hide a damn baby in a cloak? I mean, unless it's Harry Potter's cloak or something...
~The Kataang. Holy crap, the shipping was more blatant in this fic than The Fortune Teller and The Cave of Two Lovers combined!! Is that even possible?
~What was WITH Maro? Was he on the rag or something?
~Hey, where was Iroh? I mean, I'm glad he wasn't abused or anything, but he could have at least showed up to tranquilize Crazy!Zuko a few times!
~General inconsistencies in the story. Like Airbender skeletons in Zuko's brig. WTF?
~Katara in general. The weeping. The mushy-gushy with Aang. The ZERO attempts to make an escape. That one really pissed me off, as I'm sure you already know. Oh, and the whole resurrection thing. Yeah, let's just not even *go* there.
~Again, I'd like to point out the ludicrousness of hiding a baby in a cloak. Parachute pants MAYBE, but cloak? No way, Jose.
