Ahh, I see you've come for more Detours MiSTing, you sick little sadomasochist. Well, if you enjoyed the last six chapters, you're going to get a LOT of pleasure from this next installment as Mei's perversion, physical violence, and looooove scenes all escalate drastically. On a more positive note, Zhao makes an appearance, and PWNS all the other characters with ease (Arekisu needs to drop whatever she's doing and write more Zhao, dammit!).
Steeled your nerve, dear readers? Then on with the slaughter MiST!
At the Fire Nation Capital:
Mei rolled over in bed, trying to stay awake.
BF: She wanted to see if she could hear Zuko and Echo humping through the walls!
The late night hours constantly took their toll on the young girl; she was afraid to fall asleep. She was afraid of the reoccurring dream overtaking her again.
BF: (Mei) Can’t sleep...clowns will get me....can’t sleep...
And yet, every night, she had to eventually succumb to sleep. And that's when the dream returned.
BF: (Mei, murmuring during dream) Arekisu...no...stop...stooop! Not another chapter! Please!
Burning...smoke...fire...the Capital is burning!
BF: And it’s not even “Barbeque Cookoff Week”!
She stood at the top of the hill, looking down at the smoldering city far below. Images flashed in her head; Echo, Zuko, her father, Iroh, Raeona.
BF: Actually, all the images were flashing *her*. (Mei, disgusted) Please put some clothes on...especially you, Uncle!
Mei dropped to her knees on the rocky ground, clawing at her hair.
BF: (grimly) I see you’ve been reading this fic too.
"Get out of my head, get out of my head...
BF: Commercial jingles...once they seep into your brain, they never come out!
this is only a dream, only a dream!" The princess inhaled to find that the air was thick with smoke.
BF: See now? This is why smoking was outlawed in bars!
Hugging herself, she ran, her feet rhythmically beating on the rocks.
BF: Beating...to the rhythm of the night!
She had to find someone...anyone...someone who could tell her what was going on.
BF: The Information Directory is *never* around when you *need* it!
The last person she expected to see was herself.
BF: Not satisfied with annoying us with ONE Mei, the author has to make TWO!
Mei took a few slow steps forward. She could tell it was herself from the back of her head.
BF: The crappy haircut was a dead giveaway.
Dream-Mei was gazing down at the city, holding a bundle in her arms, cooing to it, singing to it. "Hush, little baby, don't you cry..."
"What...?" Mei took a few more steps forward. "Hello?"
Dream-Mei kept cooing to the bundle, mumbling incoherently. Mei could tell by her voice that she wasn't exactly sane.
BF: *I* could tell by the writing that this author isn’t exactly sane!
Taking a deep breath, she took a few more tentative steps closer to her dream self, and was able to make out her words.
BF: “Bibbity-bobbity-boo...”
"...I won't let that mean old Avatar get his hands on you..."
Mei frowned. "The Avatar? Where is he?"
BF: (snorts) She’s related to Zuko, that’s for sure!
Dream-Mei laughed softly, cuddled the bundle again. Mei had no idea whether she'd heard her or not, and thus decided to try to find someone else to ask...but first, what was the bundle?
BF: (hopefully) Echo’s bloody remains?
Maybe she can't see me, either! Mei took a few more steps and looked at her dream self, waved a hand in front of her face. When she didn't get a reaction, Mei examined the other girl's face.
BF: (Mei) Damn, honey, have you ever thought of using Clearasil...?
Dream-Mei was gazing down at the bundle in her arms with glazed eyes, and a shaky smile on her face.
BF: Ooooh...that IS a scary premonition...Mei becomes a crack-mother!
It looked as if she was void of emotion; dead inside.
BF: Like me, after finishing MiSTing a chapter of this fic....
What little feeling she had left, she was feeding to the baby in her arms.
BF: Angst is no substitute for milk...
Mei craned her head to get a good look at the baby. The blanket it was wrapped in was hiding its face. When she found that she couldn't see, she sighed and stepped back...then all of a sudden, two boys climbed over the top of the hill, followed by a throng of other children, and scrambled over to Dream-Mei. Mei recognized them as the children she'd usually play war with.
BF: Back away! They are the Children of the Corn!
"Princess Mei," the first boy said, "what do we do now?"
Dream-Mei took her attention away from the bundle and looked out over the city, quite expressionless. "We rebuild."
BF: (Dream-Mei) We must rebuild Zion before the machines attack....
"We gotta listen to her..."
BF: For some strange reason...
The second boy's eyes widened, and he dropped to his knees. "She en't our princess anymore, remember? She's our Queen."
Mei took a step back, horrified, as the entire crowd of children dropped to their knees in front of her dream self.
BF: Children, when your leader looks slightly psychotic, it’s time to find a new boss, royal blood or no...
Queen...
Queen...
That could only mean...
BF: (Mei) I GOT THE POWER!
She clamped her hands over her mouth, vision swirling.
BF: You know, if you clear the oxygen passageways, your vision should return to normal...
Mei was waking up.
BF: Unfortunately, she was still stuck in “Detours”.
"NO!" She sat bolt upright in bed, flung the covers off of herself, and ran.
BF: Smack into a wall.
When she reached her brother's room,
BF: Who wants to bet Zuko and Echo are spooning?
she hopped into the empty middle of the bed. "Brother?"
Zuko rolled over and looked at her sleepily, his voice groggy and lower than usual. "Does the concept of 'sleep' mean anything to you?"
BF: Seeing Mei’s boundless energy, I’d say nay...
Mei threw her arms around him, whispering quickly, "Brother I had the most horrible dream horrible horrible..."
BF: (Mei, sobbing) You were about to be married off to this lame OC, “Echo”, and...
"Did I die again?" He sat up and rubbed his little sister's back, making her cling to him even more.
"Yes...it was terrible..."
BF: (Mei) Until they made me queen...then it was kickass!
Echo stirred and looked over her shoulder at them, then flipped
BF: WHAT is with all this “flipping”? I’m waiting to see someone cross their arms now...
around all the way and looked at Mei worriedly. "What's the matter?"
"She had a bad dream," Zuko mumbled into Mei's
BF: Thighs....
choppy hair. "It was nothing."
"A nightmare?" Echo sat up. "What happened in it?"
BF: (Echo, morbidly) Tell me all the gruesome details. ESPECIALLY the part where Zuko dies!
Mei whimpered and clung to her brother even more. Zuko glared at Echo. "She doesn't want to talk about it, clearly. I'm sure it was nothing. She's been predicting my death since she was about four years old..."
BF: Umm...that’s kinda bad...
"Don't make fun of me!" Mei screeched, pulling away from him. "I can't help it!"
"You don't have to tell me every time I die in a dream," Zuko grumbled.
BF: (Zuko) I don’t need nightly reminders of my mortality!
"Yeah, well, at least I didn't have a lisp until I was twelve years old!"
"You're only ten, and what does that have anything to do with what we're talking about?"
BF: Took the words right out of my mouth.
"Don't underethsimate me, I may only be ten yearths old but I pack a nasthy punsh!" Mei hopped up in bed and swung her first at her brother, who ducked.
"GET OUT OF MY ROOM!"
"Why, ya wanna have some alone time with your fiancé?"
BF: (Zuko) Can’t murder her if there are witnesses around!
"OUT, OUT, OUT!"
Mei hopped over him and onto the floor, running toward the door. "Is this far enough? I want to be able to see!"
BF: (Mei) Let me get my digital camera so I can record this–“Zuko’s Zany Nights!”
"YOU SICK LITTLE-"
Echo burrowed under the covers, trying to become invisible-and at the same time, trying to hide the fact that her face was bright red. "Mei, please, that's enough..."
BF: Yes. Stop. For God’s sake.
Mei stuck out her bottom lip. "But I'm just warming up! Which is what you two should be doing...brother, don't look so angry! You could fry an egg on your head!"
BF: Or fry your ass into oblivion!
This, of course, only caused Zuko to look more angry. "GET OUT OF MY ROOM!"
"Getting repetitive, are we?"
"MEI!"
BF: “KILL MEI CLUB” –now accepting members!
"Fine, fine, fine, I'm leaving...you two aren't getting anywhere tonight." Grumbling, Mei made her way back down the hall to her room, and promptly fell asleep.
BF: Can we PUT her to sleep? Really...
Zuko flipped over and faced the wall again. "That should have been obvious..."
Echo, facing the other wall, curled up into a ball. "What is that little girl's fixation on us having-"
"Trust me, I don't know, nor do I want to.
BF: Me neither...Jesus. That little ten-year-old is the most GODAWFUL nymphomaniac I have EVER come across...not that I come across nymphomaniacs often, but still!
Now. Good night."
"Good night..." With that, Echo fell into a dreamless sleep.
The next day:
"Keep focused, Princess! Focus!"
Mei closed her eyes and mumbled, "I know, I know...focus."
BF: It was hard though, with images of her brother and Echo “getting it on” running through her dirty little mind...
The boy on the other side of the training field smirked. "Yeah, Prince Mei! Keep focused on my fist!"
BF: (Boy) See? I painted a little face on it–now I’ll make it talk! “Hello there...how are *you* today?” Oh just fine, thank you....(gets lost in conversation)
"AGH! UNCLE!" Mei clenched her fists, which were starting to flame. "Listen to him!"
Sighing, Iroh rubbed his temples. "Meikka, listen to me. Keep calm and breathe. Do not lose your temper. You don't want to end up like your brother."
BF: You don’t want to be a virgin, do you?
"But brother is a great Firebender!" the princess protested, not taking her eyes off of the boy a few feet in front of her.
BF: (Mei) I see you baby...shaking that thang...
Iroh, standing between them a few feet away, shook his head. "Zuko is too easily provoked."
BF: No kidding. Poke him with a sharp stick even ONCE, and he blows his top.
"That doesn't stop him from being a great Firebender."
"I wish you knew as much about Firebending as you do about
BF: SEX.
growing up, though I don't want to know where you learned all that you talk about."
BF: (Mei, cheerily) The sailors taught me in songs!
Mei blinked and looked at him. "Yeah, so, anyway, what were we talking about again?"
BF: (bangs head on wall)
"Focus. Try to get the fire out of your palms and aim it at something..."
"Oh...that's right." Mei turned her attention back to the other boy.
BF: Devious little imp...
The boy crossed his eyes and stuck out his tongue. "Go ahead, take a shot at me!"
BF: Said the boy, slapping his ass and wiggling his hips.
Mei felt the flames forming in her hands start to grow as her lip curled
BF: Iron it a few times and that curl will come right out!
angrily. Within seconds, the was able to direct the flames; with a mighty leap, she lunged toward the boy, and let her flames shoot toward him.
BF: Mei likes to aim for the jugular!
"AHH!" The boy flung himself to one side and fell over as Mei's fire hit the wall, causing a huge burn mark in the brick where he was standing mere seconds earlier. "You're insane!"
BF: You ain’t the first one to notice, sweetie.
The princess folded her arms as she stood over him victoriously. "How was that for some Firebending, you little motherf-"
BF: (shocked) Shut your mouth!
"Mei, that's enough. You're not going to get anywhere today...this lesson is over."
"But uncle-"
"No buts. I warned you," Iroh said,
BF: (Iroh) We have a three strikes rules about potty mouths!
"not to let yourself succumb to your anger so quickly. But you seem to have inherited your brother's temper."
BF: And Chris Rock’s mouth!
"But did you see that shot? I did great!" argued Mei.
BF: (Mei, gleefully) I nearly roasted that little bugger *alive*!
"You have to admit..."
Iroh shook his head once again. "You're not one to judge, little princess. I know much more about Firebending than you do. So, hear me now:
BF: (Iroh) Peter Piper picked a pack of pickled peppers!
Control. Your. Temper."
Mei folded her arms, her palms starting to grow
BF: hairy
hot again. "Fine, fine..."
"So again, that's all for the day. You may leave," Iroh said to the little boy, who scrambled to his feet, bowed, and ran away. Iroh then turned back to his niece. "As for you...back to
BF: Your cage!
the palace. You have a party to get ready for."
The princess's eyes lit up.
BF: (Iroh, squinting) Aarrggh, I hate it when she does that!
"That's right! Daddy is coming home today...and it's brother's welcome-home party too, isn't it?"
BF: Now, if we can get Zhao in here, it’ll be a party!
"Indeed it is. Now, go, before Raeona gets angry with me for keeping you too long..."
BF: (Rae) No! Keep her! I don’t mind!
Mei bowed shortly and leapt over two-foot brick wall surrounding the training field...
BF: Reboks: Run faster. Jump higher.
two sides of the field were enclosed, with a roof overhead to keep the sun out. The path to the field was shaded by trees...the field in itself was small, no bigger than twelve feet by twelve feet, and was used for minimal Firebending lessons.
BF: You’d be surprised how mowing that little field took, though...
As she scampered out of the wooded area and into the fresh morning air, the princess grinned.
BF: She totally whooped that little boy’s ass!
She took a deep breath and sighed, then picked up to a run, the rhythmic beating of her feet
BF: Fun fact: Mei used to be a Riverdancer!
on the dirt path giving her a too-clear reminder of her dream. But it was a beautiful day outside; she absolutely loved days like these.
She'd lived her life thus far running about the palace grounds...she loved the acres and acres of gardens, fountains, woods, fields, statues, small buildings, etc...
BF: “etc”...just in case the author missed anything in her long-winded description of the countryside Mei so adores....
but over the past two years, it hadn't felt like home at all. Ever since her brother had returned, it felt like the hole in her
BF: head?
life had been restored.
On the way back to the palace, she ran through the garden
BF: The SECRET garden.
and picked up a pair of her sandals that she'd left lying around the week before. Smirking to herself, Mei put them on, remembering how angry Raeona had been with her when she'd found out that the expensive little things had gone missing.
BF: One of these days, Mei is going to keel over from rat-poison put in her drink...
Picking up to a run again, she continued through the gardens...
And rammed right into her brother, sending them both flying backwards and to the ground.
BF: What is this little girl *made* of? Flubber?
Zuko got up first, scowling. "What's your hurry?"
"What's your problem?" Mei asked, cocking her head. "I thought you despised the gardens."
"I do."
BF: His allergies were terrible, but he refused to take Flonaze, and so avoided the gardens all together.
"So why are you here?"
"I'm avoiding Echo."
BF: If you want to do that, you should get out of the fic, not the palace!
Mei snorted. "Oh yeah, because Echo would never come to the gardens. She's a girl, brother."
BF: (Mei) Women are compelled by their uterus to spend time among the greenery!
"So are you, and you hate flowers."
BF: (Mei, shaking fist) They mock me with their vibrant colors and delicate nature!
"Your logic is whacked.
BF: This *dialog* is whacked!
Echo loves flowers...why are you trying to avoid her? She's nice!"
"I hate her. She could fall over and die for all I care," Zuko grumbled.
BF: You know, despite his frequent OOCness, Zuko is really starting to grow on me!
The princess frowned. "You're a meanie!"
"Don't I know it." Zuko dusted himself off and turned the other way.
BF: This dialog totally *sucks*!
(Zuko, bitterly) Don’t I know it...
Mei scampered after him. "So, coming to the party tonight?"
"Of course I am. It's
BF: (Zuko, singing) My party and I’ll cry if I want to! Cry if I want to! Cry if I want to!
in my honor, after all."
"Pft..."
BF: (Zuko) Was that *you* Mei?
(Mei, testily) Whoever heard it, *turd* it, brother!
Mei rolled her eyes. "In all honesty, I didn't think you were planning on going. You are you, after all.
BF: (Mei) I mean, why would you want to indulge in the return of home you’ve been missing so terribly for two long years?
But your obsessive compulsive search for the Avatar is over, you deserve to have some fun."
BF: Obsessive compulsive? How about “determined”? Or maybe “desperate”? The word-choice in this fic is killing me!
Zuko grabbed his sister and gave her a well-deserved noogie. "I second that."
BF: Actually, he was trying to break her neck.
(Zuko) Just a little more...
En Route to the North Pole:
"WHAT DO YOU MEAN THEY CAPTURED HER?"
BF: Someone’s screaming, and it’s usually Zuko—but what is Zuko doing en route to the north pole?
Three of Kyoshi's female warriors glared back at Sokka, a mixture of annoyance and despair apparent on their faces. "She wasn't feeling well...
BF: Translation: She was on her period.
and we were ambushed."
Katara hugged herself and shuddered.
BF: ...having read the last part of this chapter.
"Where did they take her?"
BF: They took her out to the ball game!
(Suki) Buy me some peanuts and cracker-jacks! I don’t care if this fic is real whacked!
"Back to the
BF: Future!
Fire Nation," another warrior replied.
"Zuko, that bastard!" Sokka clenched his fists.
BF: Actually, if you’ve been reading, *Zuko’s* the victim here.
"It wasn't Zuko," the first warrior said. "He's not after the Avatar anymore."
BF: Fox Mulder was taking up that job.
(Mulder) I’m telling you, Scully...he’s out there...somewhere....
(Scully) *groan*...
Aang brightened.
BF: (Katara, squinting) He’s really gotta stop using that Crest “whitening” toothpaste!
"Really? Nobody is after me?"
BF: (Aang) My Lucky Charms are safe?
The second warrior snorted. "The entire world is after you...
BF: But mostly the U.S. Government. (FBI Agent) Won’t pay your taxes, eh, Mr. Avatar? We’ll see about THAT!
just not Prince Zuko. Rumor has it that he found a
BF: Lucky horseshoe!
bride...he's back in the Fire Nation. There's a huge party tonight at the Capital in his honor."
BF: “WELCOME BACK, CHICO!!” (Dory, painting sign) What, his name is “Zuko”?
"That would be a perfect opportunity to rescue Suki!" Katara exclaimed.
BF: (Katara) AND score some kick-ass party favors while we’re there!
"That's why we sought you out," the third warrior said. "A city full of drunken Firebenders...truly the perfect opportunity.
BF: To rob them all blind! ....oh, and rescue Suki too, I guess.
And we figured that if anyone could get Suki back, it would be you two and the Avatar."
BF: The fact that Aang nearly caused their home village to be burned down inspired great faith in the Kyoshi warriors!
She reached behind her back and threw a bunch of
BF: Confetti!
red robes and masks on the ground in front of her. "Disguises...there are so many generic Firebenders there, you'll blend right in."
BF: Generic...
(Firebender scientist) The Cloning Machine! We tried to shut it off, but it’s out of control! Arrgh! (Stomped by army of clones)
Sokka bent down and picked up a mask, then looked at the warriors.
BF: (Sokka) So what your saying is, if I put on this mask I’ll attain magical, outrageous powers as *well* as a hyperactive, off-the-wall attitude?
(BF, after long pause) Oh god, I think Mei might be wearing one of those things too!
"Are you coming too?"
BF: (warriors) Hell no! That mission is *suicide*! Later, suckers!
"We have to get back to Kyoshi," the first one replied. "We accompanied Suki because she wanted to see you again, and meet up with you lot on the way to the North Pole...
BF: To go that far out of her way to see Sokka? MUST be love!
but now that you're going to rescue her, we must get back to Kyoshi in case the Firebenders attack."
"Who ambushed you, if not Zuko?" Katara asked.
BF: Jet? He’s pretty good at ambushes and pulling sneaky shit. Hey, maybe he’s using Suki as a way to sneak into the Fire Nation capital during the party?
(Jet, after everybody is passed out drunk) Alright gang, rob these bastards for everything they’re worth! Leave nothing but the shirts on their back! (pause) Actually, take those too!
(Longshot) Boss...look at this...these Firebenders...they all look the same!
(Pipsqueak) Like they’re “generic” or sumthin’...
(Jet) Holy Crap! We just discovered HOW the Fire Nation has so many benders! And WHY every soldier has a goatee and/or moustache! CLONES!
"A man named Zhao.
BF: Woooooooo ZHAO! Maybe some ass-whoopin’ will happen? (pause) He better not come out fruity in this fic like “Two Guys, A Girl, and a Flying Bison”, or there will be HELL to pay!
We think the Fire Lord assigned the Avatar's capture to him, now...he's ruthless, if not more so than the prince."
BF: Yup, that’s Zhao alright!
"Ruthless? Zuko is just plain crazy," Sokka muttered.
BF: (Zuko, in Sokka’s memory) SHUT UP! I CAN make a square peg fit into a round hole!
"Great. Some other crazy guy is after me," Aang grumbled. He jumped into the air and landed on Appa's head. "Katara, Sokka, come on! We gotta rescue Suki!"
BF: (Aang) From this lame plot device!
Katara ran up Appa's tail,
BF: Go WITH the fur, Katara, WITH it!
and Sokka scooped up the disguises the warriors had given them, then looked at the three girls, his features laced with steely determination.
BF: (Sokka, thinking) I *will* lay all three of those girls before summer’s end.
"Good luck, my friend," the first warrior said, before the three of them turned and disappeared
BF: Into a cloud of sakura petals!
into the woods, leaving Sokka standing there, staring at the disguises.
BF: (Sokka) Heeey...these were bought at the Halloween Store!
"Sokka?" Katara called. "Come on, we can't waste time!"
BF: (Katara) So stop standing there like a dork and move it!
"You can trust me, Suki," Sokka murmured as he ran up Appa's tail.
BF: (Appa, thinking) It’s not a ramp! *Gentle*, damn you!
"I won't let you down."
BF: (Arekisu) And I won’t let any of you OUT! Hahaha!
BF: *sigh*...We’re spending a lot of time here....
"Unhand me, or you'll be sorry!"
BF: (Jane) Tarzan! I’m warning you! No touchy there!
The Firebender kicked Suki in the stomach again, causing the girl to double over and groan, blood dribbling from her mouth.
BF: (shellshocked) That’s a great way to start a chapter!
Zhao,
BF: EEEEEEEEEE!!!!
leading the pack of
BF: Wolves? Hyenas?
Firebenders up to the palace, turned around and stared the warrior down. "You'd do well to keep your mouth shut," he said to her.
BF: First line in...and Zhao is in character. Dare I hope? Dare I?!
Suki glared him down, silent. Her fever had gone down,
BF: (Suki, singing) He gives me fever!
and she was no longer sick...
BF: In the head.
it was now her cuts and bruises that hurt, and try as she might, she couldn't ignore the pain, nor did she want to provoke the Firebenders into hurting her more...she needed to be healthy to escape.
BF: Yeah, it’s kinda important to have all your limbs attached to make any sort of escape attempt...
The commander turned back around and burst through
BF: His victim’s chest!
the palace doors, his group dragging Suki behind them.
BF: (Firebenders) Damn but she weighs a lot! Oh, here’s why–she’s carrying her makeup bag!
She no longer struggled as they did so...not only was she famed for being a fighter, but she could also talk her way out of almost anything,
BF: (Suki) Eheh...about that kiss, Sokka. Well, it was meant...ah...*platonically*. I really think we should just be *friends*...
and that's precisely what she planned on doing.
BF: (Suki, to guard) Okay, close your eyes and count to ten, and I’ll do my disappearing act!
However, when they threw her down
BF: In the wrestling ring
in front of the prince's bride-to-be, she found that words had left her as she saw the
BF: Hairy arms on her! I mean, *geez*!
expression on the other girl's face.
Echo's eyes widened, and she took a step back, looking horrified. "What...did you do to this girl?"
BF: (Echo) That eye-shadow color is all *wrong* for her face!
"You must be the future princess," Zhao observed, eyeing her
BF: “Hello, my name is: Your Future Princess” nametag.
"Where is Zuko?"
BF: Probably still hiding out in the garden.
(Zuko) I wonder how long I can hide in these bushes before I have to come up for food...
The girl straightened her dress,
BF: After she realized she had put it on backwards.
(Echo) I HATE these kimonos!
not taking her eyes off of the newcomers. "Around," she replied,
BF: Meaning she had no damn clue.
folding her hands behind her back, and trying to hold her head high as Iroh had told her.
BF: (Zhao, uncomfortable) Princess? Could you lower your head a little? I can see up your nostrils and everything...
"What do you need him for?"
BF: (Zhao) We need him to be the referee for the wild game of Twister later this night!
"We need his permission to throw this girl in the dungeons so we can get on with our mission.
BF: YEAH RIGHT! Like Zhao EVER needed Zuko’s permission to do whatever he wanted before! And why Zuko, by the way? Is he the royal “Chuck ‘em in the dungeons” sayer?
She was a threat to the Avatar's capture."
BF: (Firebenders) Look, lady, which way did the Avatar go?
(Suki, pointing in two directions) That way!
"You ambushed me!" Suki suddenly shouted. "We weren't doing anything wrong! You took me because I was the weakest!"
BF: I don’t know, even under a fever, I get the feeling Suki could still kick some ass. She could at least *cough* on them or something!
She struggled against the ropes that bound her.
BF: (Suki) Damn this rope! The chafing!
"It was because I had a fever, I could hardly move!"
BF: (Firebenders, looking at Suki wheezing on ground) Do we really *want* to take her? She looks like she’s gonna *die* on us...
(Zhao) Just do it. It’ll give us an excuse to go to the Fire Nation capital. THEN, we can crash the party!
"Let her go," Echo said, trying to sound commanding. "Now."
BF: (not impressed)
Zhao smirked. "We answer only to the Fire Lord...and the prince, however reluctantly."
BF: (hugs Zhao) Oh, you ARE the best character in this fic!
(Zhao, smugly) I know. My inherent badassness shines through even Arekisu’s dark cloud!
(BF) You’re a beacon of hope! I hope you burn many things!
"What about the princess?" A dozen heads turned as Mei entered the room, dressed for the party, her hair pulled back in buns and her long dress swishing.
BF: Ooooh, if Zhao kills her now, it will make up for the last two chapters she was in!
Echo raised her eyebrows...though Mei was probably the oddest child she had ever met,
BF: That’s putting it VERY mildly...
the girl could look and behave positively regal when she felt the need to.
BF: Which was NEVER.
"Ah, little princess Meikka. I trust you like having your brother home? How do you like his scar?" Zhao's voice dripped with mock respect.
BF: Wai! Wai! Go Zhao! XD
Mei thrust her chin up in the air.
BF: It’s Cleft, the girl-chin wonder!
"For one who pledges allegiance to the Fire Lord, you should be punished for the way you behave around his children. That is no way to talk to the future Queen of the Fire Nation."
BF: Kick her ass, Zhao! Kick it!
Echo nodded in agreement...though she had no idea whether Mei had meant herself or Echo when she'd said "Queen."
BF: (Hank Venture) If *either* of those two becomes queen, that means the Fire Nation will have extra retard babies!
"This girl claims to know your brother," Zhao said, gesturing to Suki.
BF: (Suki, eyes averted) We met at a bar once...
Zuko chose that moment to strut into the room. His amber eyes instantly narrowed. "Zhao."
Zhao nodded a greeting at the prince. "Prince Zuko, we meet again. Please, call off your bitches and let's have a talk."
BF: (gasps loudly) Zhao! You totally ROCK!
(Zhao, cooly) Yes, yes. All in a day’s work. Say, would you like to feel my chest hair?
(BF) WOULD I !!
"You son of a-" Mei lunged at Zhao; Echo held her back.
Zuko studied Suki's smeared face paint and ripped, bloody warrior's uniform before announcing,
BF: (Zuko) LOSER!
"A Kyoshi warrior."
"Indeed."
BF: Indee-dery-doo!
"Throw her
BF: (Bumi) A feast!
in the dungeon."
BF: (Bumi) The newly refurbished dungeon!
"No!" Echo stared at Zuko, trying to keep a good hold on struggling Mei ("Let me at him, I'll take him down!").
BF: It’s Scrappy Doo as “Mei” in “Detours”!
"Let her go, she didn't do anything wrong!"
"She helped the Avatar get away on Kyoshi Island," Zuko snarled at Echo.
"We had every right to defend ourselves," Suki spat. "You bastards were burning down our home!"
"Throw her in the dungeons!" Zuko repeated.
BF: (Zuko) We’ll have her battle the Rancor Beast as party entertainment!
"Release her!" Echo commanded. "And that's an order!"
Zhao's group looked back and forth to each other, confused about who to listen to; the commander himself simply looked amused.
BF: HOW are you able to stay amused during this fic?
(Zhao) Hm? Because I simply *love* watching Zuko suffer...and what could be worse than having TWO OCs as your closest companions...?
(BF) That’s really cruel...
(Zhao, impatiently) Well, that’s what I’m known for, girl.
"Are you going to let this peasant girl best you, Prince Zuko?"
Thoroughly enraged at this remark, Zuko continued glaring at Echo.
BF: (Zuko, thinking) She’s not spontaneously combusting! *Why* isn’t she spontaneously combusting?
Finally he hissed,
BF: Rowr!
obviously trying and failing to calm himself, "What authority do you think you have here?"
BF: (Echo, stunned) What, my OCness doesn’t make me lord of you all?
The girl was silent for a moment, and still trying to hold onto Mei. "I don't have any authority, do I?"
BF: She’s just getting this NOW?
Zuko shook his head sharply and hissed again,
BF: Summoning his fearsome basilisk!
"No. You don't. Get upstairs and take that horrid little brat with you. And that's an order."
Mei stopped struggling and whimpered, her self-righteousness leaking away via the
BF: numerous hole-punctures in her body!
tears in her watery brown eyes. "Brother..."
The prince refused to look at her; he was too busy giving a I-handled-this-myself-thank-you-very-much glare at Zhao, who still looked totally smug.
BF: (Zhao) Ha! Like I don’t know those two girls have him wrapped around their little fingers!
(BF) Did you see him in Chapter Five?
(Zhao) I did. Any respect I may have had for the boy evaporated right then.
(Zuko) HEY! You two better SHUT UP over there! Don’t make me bring out “Two Guys, A Girl, and a Flying Bison”!
(Zhao, muttering) You little bastard...
Pursing her lips, Mei shoved past her brother and out of the room.
BF: Exit, stage left!
Echo, however, stood her ground. She turned to Zhao's group. "Let the girl go."
"Throw my bride in the dungeons with the warrior. She refuses to cooperate," Zuko barked at his guards, who immediately seized Echo.
BF: (Zuko) Haha, I’m putting her in YOUR custody *now*, Zhao!
(Zhao, seething) I WILL get you for this!
"Screw you, you goddamned son of a bitch!" Echo screeched as they started to drag her away, along with Suki. "Your beloved fire is going to burn you in hell! You're the most obnoxious thing ever to have lived,
BF: (Echo) With exception to myself and Mei!
and you have that fucking scar on your ugly face to prove it!"
BF: WHOOOOOAAAAA. Cussing out Zuko? Mentioning the scar, too? You just signed your death warrant, missy!
"GET HER OUT OF MY SIGHT!" Zuko shouted as Echo disappeared around a corner.
Zhao looked pleased with himself. "You handled that situation quite well, Prince Zuko."
BF: (Zhao) I would have thrown in a few bitchslaps, myself, but...
"And you. Get out of my sight, too."
The commander bowed mockingly, then turned on his heel and left along with his coterie.
BF: You came out of this pretty unscathed...
(Zhao, nonchalantly) I’ve sailed in rougher waters than this.
Zuko stood where he was, panting in rage, muttering to himself. "She can die down there for all I care..."
BF: Nooo, don’t leave it to the dungeon to do it; you’d best grab a knife and finish her yourself, to make *sure* the job gets done.
Meanwhile:
"Brilliant steering, Aang."
BF: (Aang) Well, I AM an avid lover of Go-Karts!
"It's not my fault that Appa tried to eat that statue," Aang responded casually, as he landed the flying bison in the wooded outskirts of the Fire Nation Capital.
BF: Unless that statue was shaped like hay, there is NO REASON Appa would try to eat it. Appa is not *stupid*. Just his characterization here.
Sokka was the first one off Appa, already dressed in the red Firebender robes. He put the helmet on to cover his face. "How do I look?"
BF: (Sokka, thoughtfully) Red really isn’t my color...
"Evil," Katara replied. She hopped off the bison and put her helmet on as well. "How do I look?"
"Not as evil as me, but still pretty evil," Sokka responded. "Now
BF: that we’ve rated everyone’s “evilness”
...where would Suki be?"
Aang was last to jump off Appa. "I'm thinking...prison!"
BF: Whoa, slow down, Sherlock!
"Uh, duh, but where's the prison?" Sokka asked.
BF: (matter-of-factly) Next to the restrooms, on your left.
He spied a path and started walking down it. Katara and Aang, making sure that Appa was well-hidden, followed him.
BF: Yeah, let’s all walk down some random road! That’ll work!
Momo sat on Sokka's shoulder, eating a peach. Sokka turned his head and glared at the creature. "Hey, go away."
BF: (Sokka) I don’t want you crapping on my shoulder again!
The lemur blinked and hopped onto Aang's shoulder instead. Sokka grumbled, and continued walking down the path.
BF: (Sokka, hurt) He left me for another man!
Aang elbowed Katara. "What's his problem?"
BF: Constipation.
"He wants to find his girlfriend."
"KATARA!" Sokka whirled around and walked backwards so he could glare at her.
BF: Until he tripped on a rock and fell flat on his ass.
Katara shrugged. "It's true...hey, look at that!"
They all turned and looked; they had reached a clearing that signaled the end of the woods, and were now looking down from a hill at the vast city before them.
"The capital of the Fire Nation," breathed Katara. "It's..."
BF: Got a lot of traffic congestion.
"Don't say 'beautiful'," Sokka said. "If you say beautiful-"
"Look, there's the palace!" Aang pointed. Then he pointed to the left and said, "And look, they're stacking wood in that field over there, and putting up tents. Think that's where the party's going to be?"
BF: Um...the clowns kinda gave it away, Aang.
Katara nodded. "Looks that way. It'll probably begin at nightfall...
BF: Katara said, reading the invitation. “Please come to Prince Zuko’s Party. We will be serving drinks and food, as well as prisoner (that means your friend Suki) beatings for fun family entertainment! Sincerely, Zhao P.S. :THIS IS NOT A TRAP.”
let's stay here until then."
The two other boys nodded their approval, and the three of them settled down at the crest of the hill, well-hidden by the small trees and bushes. Now, all there was left to do was wait.
BF: Squattin’ in the bushes instead of scouting the party area? Logic! Where is the logic?!
In the dungeons: BF: Is that where the logic is being held?
Echo sat up and rubbed her head, grimacing, just in time to hear the cell door slam.
BF: Clink!
She immediately got to her feet and shook the bars; locked. Not going to budge.
BF: Be AMAZED at Echo’s powers of deduction!
Sighing, she backed up and sat down, then looked around her dark cell. "Hello?"
BF: (Echo) I’m calling top bunk!
"I'm over here."
BF: (Echo) Marco?
(Suki) Polo!
She scooted back and saw Suki, sprawled on the ground near the back of the cell, her breathing heavy and labored.
BF: Suki’s had just won the triathalon while Echo was yelling at Zuko!
Echo squinted to get a good look at her.
BF: Echo liked seeing other’s misery.
The cell had a window, yes,
BF: No?
but the sun was going down and she could barely see a few feet in front of her.
BF: (Echo, walking into the cell wall repeatedly) D’oh.......d’oh!.........d’oh!
However, she could see well enough to notice that Suki was covered in bruises and cuts, and was coughing up
BF: Hairballs!
blood.
BF: Oooh, that’s bad.
Echo reached down, tore a strip of fabric from her dress, and started
BF: Stuffing it down Suki’s throat. (Echo) That will stop the bleeding *there*!
bandaging Suki's wounds. "I'm Echo, what's your name?"
BF: (Suki) Echo? Where’s Sleepy and Dopey and Doc?
The girl glared at her. "Why should I tell you? You're one of them!"
BF: The Borg are infamous across the galaxy!
"I am not!"
Suki gestured to Echo's flame-colored (and now ripped) dress, complete with the Fire Nation insignia, and frowned. "You're a Firebender bitch."
BF: No, just a bitch.
"I'm not a Firebender! I'm not a Bender at all, actually..."
BF: (Bender) There can be only *one* Bender! So kiss my shiny, metal ass!
"Zhao called you the 'future princess', like hell you're not one of them!"
BF: I guess Suki couldn’t tell by the country accent and mannerisms that Echo was a fraud...
"I'm not one of them, now hold still!" Echo wrapped a piece of her dress around Suki's arm.
Suki held still, not looking very happy. "My name is Suki," she said cagily.
"Echo," the other girl repeated,
BF: (Suki) That’s still a retarded name.
continuing to bandage up Suki's cuts. When she was finished, she sat back and stared out the window, which was up near the ceiling; they were underground, after all.
BF: (snidely) After all!
Both of their heads turned as footsteps were heard outside the cell. A familiar voice called out, "This is the one. Open up, let the prince's bride out. Now."
BF: (Guard) She’s up first for the Death Pit.
Another voice: "Yeah, she has to go yell at brother!"
BF: *groan*...
(Echo, crying) Even behind bars I’m not safe from her!
Echo sat up, relieved. "Iroh! Mei!"
The door of the cell creaked and the princess stepped inside, shaking her head. "What has brother done now?"
BF: (Mei) That stupid nincompoop!
"Threw us both in the dungeons...and Suki is hurt."
"Suki?"
"This girl."
Mei raised her eyebrows. Echo could tell that she was
BF: Imagining her, Suki, and Zuko in a threesome.
forming another plan, by the thoughtful look on the other girl's face.
"All righty then..."
BF: Said Ace Ventura as he entered the scene!
She reached into her pocket and pulled out
BF: A set of knives? So Suki can go crazy-ass-slasher on these mo’fo’s?
some bread, then handed it to Suki. "Here's what we're gonna do. You eat that and stay here, and I'll be back in a few minutes to bring you some more food after I watch Echo bitch brother out.
BF: (Zuko, somewhere in the castle) OW! Suddenly it felt as if someone was trying to yank off my testicles!
Then when the party starts, Echo will smuggle you out,
BF: Under her huge dress!
(Echo) Thank God for hoop skirts!
(Suki, under skirt) Sweet Jesus, the smell...
because brother won't want to come anywhere near her."
BF: Emasculation can have that effect.
Echo stepped back. "Oh no, not me, I refuse to
BF: put myself in blatant danger!
talk to that-"
"Oh, you're going to. He's allowed to hate you, he's not allowed to hate me."
BF: Poor bastard. How does he survive?
"How do you figure?"
Mei shrugged. "Simple. I'm gonna be related to him for the rest of my life, and you're not."
BF: Poor bastard. How does he survive? Wait...whoa...deja vou....
"Whatever..."
BF: Yeah, Mei, we all know this is complete bullshit!
The princess grabbed Echo's hand and led her from the cell. "Come on, we got stuff to do!"
BF: (Mei) We have to fill Santa’s sack before Christmas Eve!
Two hours later:
"Yeah, well you're ugly!"
"You're uglier!"
"You're ugliest!"
BF: What is this, an episode of “The Bachelor”?
"Your brain is the size of...something with a really small brain!" Echo stuck her nose up petulantly and glared at the prince.
BF: Brontosauruses have small brains...so, by your statement, Echo, Zuko’s brain is the size of a brontosaurus? I know he’s a fathead sometimes, but I think you exaggerate...
They were a few yards away from the huge bonfire, and Zuko was sitting at a table nearby. The crowd was already roaring, and soon the dances would begin; Mei and her group of little girls were first up for some kind of traditional dance.
BF: The Macarena!
Echo didn't care much, simply because
BF: It was completely unimportant. Goddammit, Arekisu, *quit* it with the inconsequential details!
she had better things to do; like bitch out her groom-to-be,
BF: Zuko will ROLL OVER DEAD before he allows some OC to castrate him after he *rightfully* put her ass in its place. (Turns to audience) Ladies, I know this MIGHT come as a shock to you, but you can empower yourself WITHOUT being a total bitch. It’s a long stretch, I know, but Katara and Suki do it, and so can you!
then quickly get back to Suki, who was hidden under a table in Mei's dancers' tent.
BF: God, life is SUCKING for Suki in this fic!
They'd gotten that far, and then the guards had spotted them, so they'd had to duck somewhere, fast.
BF: (Echo) I KNEW we shouldn’t have let Suki wear that bright, crazy party hat!
So now, Echo had nothing else to do but find Zuko and do as Mei had instructed her.
BF: Echo follows the little tyrant’s every instruction...
Zuko snorted. "Is that the best you can come up with?"
BF: Yeah, Arekisu, when are we gonna see some GOOD fanfiction? (poke)
"For the moment, yeah," Echo retorted, folding her arms.
The prince picked his nails, disinterested.
BF: (Zuko, thinking) This is the last time I let Susan do my manicure!
"Why did my sister let you out of the dungeons?"
"Your sister and your uncle let me out of the dungeons, and it's 'cause they like me better than you."
BF: It’s not like they had a choice.
(Iroh) Can we please get a rewrite on this script?
(Arekisu) NO.
(Iroh) *cringe*
"They do not, they just met you, they've known me forever!"
BF: (worried) Zuko’s fighting SO HARD with the power of logic and ICness, but will it be enough to ward off the OC?
"Which is more than enough time to start hating you...I've only known you a few weeks and I hate you already," Echo said,
BF: *I’ve* only know you for seven chapters, Echo, and I despise you already!
then added thoughtfully, "which is probably because for the first two weeks I was scrubbing the floors on your nasty ship."
Zuko seethed. "I could always have you thrown back in the dungeons."
BF: Do it!
"I could always find one of your family members to let me out..."
BF: (Iroh, flushing keys to dungeon down toilet) Whoops, I lost them!
"I could push you into the bonfire."
BF: DO IT!
(Elrond) Cast her into the fire! It’s the only way to destroy the evil she has brought upon the land!
He looked over her shoulder at the roaring fire; Echo, unfortunately, had her back to it.
BF: She needed to turn around so she could do the other side.
"In front of the entire country? I'm supposed to be marrying you."
"Fine." The prince got up from his sitting position and glared down at her. "If I have to kill you to get rid of you, then so be it."
BF: (Mortal Kombat) FINISH HER!
Echo glared right back at him. "And what will you do with my body?"
He stepped closer to her and hissed, "Burn it."
BF: Be sure to save her teeth, though–you can make a necklace out of them!
"Destroying the evidence...smart one, aren't you?"
BF: About the ONLY smart one here...
Echo stepped closer to him, and found that she'd immediately left her comfort zone; they were too close. Way too close. So close that
BF: Zuko could stab her and it would be too late before anyone could stop him!
she could see the bonfire reflected in his amber eyes.
BF: (ReBoot, “Firewall” episode)
Fiiiaaaah....see it burning in his eyes...it’s the flame that never dies....burning brighter than them allllll....like a Fiahwall!
Too close, she heard her mind screaming. But she was captivated...
BF: I know, I love the smell of ‘Old Spice’ too...
"What are you staring at?"
BF: (Echo) NOT THE DISFIGURING SCAR WHICH HOLDS SO MANY PAINFUL MEMORIES FOR YOU! Ooops...CRAP!
Echo quickly snapped out of it and shook her head. "Nothing, nothing!"
"That's what I thought." He narrowed his eyes. "Why are you standing so close to me?"
BF: (singing) Don’t stand so...don’t stand so...don’t stand so close to me!
"Hey, you come toward me first!"
Zuko took another step toward her, frowning, trying to look intimidating.
BF: (Mr. Potatohead) That’s it, it’s time for Mr. Angry-Eyes!
Echo, on the other hand looked at him and snickered.
"And just what is so funny?"
BF: (Echo, snickering) You have a booger in your nose!
"You're trying to scare me! You have got to be kidding."
"Do I look like I'm kidding?"
The girl cocked her head. "No, it's just the I-seriously-want-to-kill-you-and-stomp-all-over-your-bloody-corpse look that you're giving me, that's the part I find funny."
BF: Funny in a suicidal sort of way.
Zuko clenched his fists. Echo clamped a hand over her mouth to keep from cracking up.
BF: Ahhhh, she’s already cracked!
"I'd rather kill you than marry you."
"And burn my body?"
"Precisely."
"Well then, you're going to have to catch me."
BF: (Echo) Run, run, as fast as you can, you can’t catch me, I’m the Gingerbread OC!
Echo turned and ran off.
BF: Right into the bonfire.
(Echo) EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!
(Zuko, listening to the sound of crackling flesh) Cool!
Zuko rubbed his temples. "Women..."
BF: No, Zuko, not all women are like that...please, don’t label us under her...
At the Fire Nation Capital:
"Oh, gross! You look horrible! How are you going to impress brother, looking like that?"
BF: You know, I WISH all those department stores would stop selling those awful short-shorts. *Nobody* looks good in them!
Echo sheepishly wiped the dirt off of her dress. "He already saw me like this, what's the big deal?"
Mei looked overdramatically horrified. "He saw you like that?"
BF: (Echo, shyly) He...he painted me...while we set sail on the maiden voyage of the Titanic...
"Yeah..." Echo nodded, purposely neglecting to mention the fact that as well as seeing her in her present filthy condition, he'd also invaded her personal space...
BF: (Echo, agitated) Respect the bubble, Zuko! Respect the bubble!
...And try as she might to deny it, Echo had liked that.
BF: Well, I’m not going to deny that I *didn’t*! I’m *true* to myself! (Cheesy music)
But of course, admitting such a thing to someone like Mei was unthinkable; it would catapult things into a downward spiral, surely.
BF: Downward spiral? Try straight-out *plummet*!
So Echo kept her mouth shut.
BF: Man, the OC’s are getting OOC again!
"Okay, look at yourself. It's disgusting.
BF: (Mei) Those legs? Talk about thunder thighs!
You have that girl's blood splattered all over you!"
BF: Echo really needed to stop the street fighting.
Echo rolled her eyes. "Oh, and you never get dirty, Mei."
BF: Maybe not physically so much, but her *mind*....
"I don't like blood," Mei said seriously, folding her arms.
BF: Hemohobia, huh? Who wants to bet this will come up later in the fic?
A hand reached out from under the table and yanked the tattered end of Echo's skirt. "Um, hello, I'm still under here?"
BF: Oh, there you are, Suki! You were better off hiding, girl.
Mei bent down and handed Suki some more
BF: Pot.
(Mei) That’ll keep her busy!
food. "Shut up, we'll have you out of there soon!"
BF: Suki would kick your ass for saying that, if she wasn’t in a state of near-death due to repeated beatings!
Suki quickly gobbled up the food and poked her head out from
BF: Between Echo’s legs!
under the table, surveying the tent for the first time. It was the tent that Mei's dancers shared; they were to perform soon, and the tent was empty save for the three of them, with a large table set up to put things on
BF: What those things were, we can’t say.
(Echo) What *is* this stuff?
(Mei) Nothing...
(Echo, suspicious) Nothing...or *something*?
(Mei, uneasy) Ehhh....
and an even larger tablecloth on top of it; a perfect hiding place for Suki.
BF: It even had a namecard under there to reserve her a spot!
"Nice outfit," she commented, surveying Mei. The little girl's face was painted;
BF: (Mei) Like my unicorn? I had my face painted down at the booth near the games area!
brightly colored cheeks and lips, her
BF: lipstick trailing all over her face, even up to her forehead.
(Mei, noticing the looks Echo and Suki are giving her) What? What?!
eyelashes and eyebrows painted dramatically.
BF: “Trailer-trash” style makeup—for the truly *sophisticated* princess!
Echo let out a small snicker, and Suki glared at her...mostly, because the latter one actually understood traditional facepainting.
BF: Yeah, well Suki, Echo likes to make comments/opinions on things she knows nothing about and is in no place to speak of...that’s kinda how she is...
"Thanks," Mei said shrilly. "It's a traditional...thing..."
"I get it. So when do I get to leave this place?"
BF: (Suki) Really, I can’t stand *either* of you anymore!
"After I dance,
BF: (Mei, in Napoleon Dynamite voice) Gosh, you guys need to see, like, my really *sweet* dance moves!
and after Echo gets her kiss!"
BF: On the ass. Oh, c’mon, we all know they’re trying to crush Zuko!
"My what?" Echo took a giant step back. "No, no, no!"
BF: (Echo, horrified) I don’t know where he’s been putting those lips!
"You're going to get your kiss tonight," Mei persisted, folding her arms yet again.
BF: (Mei) And I’LL be the one to give it to you! C’mere, wench!
Suki went back under the table. "I so don't want to listen to this..."
BF: Hey, Suki, you got room under there for me too?
"What kiss? There's going to be no kiss!" Echo insisted. "He'd sooner kill me than kiss me! Just ask him, he'll tell you!"
BF: You don’t even have to ask him! Common sense will inform you that any kissing will result in your face being melted off!
"Playing hard to get?" Mei asked slyly.
BF: Yeah, you know that Echo, she’s a real seductress...
"No, playing hard to kill. By the way, he's after me. If I show my face again I'm going to get tossed into the bonfire like an oversized log!"
the princess said thoughfully. "But you are putting on weight..."
BF: (Mei, cattily) You’re bloating up faster than Oprah Winfrey after a failed diet!
Echo looked down at herself, somewhat horrified. "MEI!"
"I meant it as a compliment!
BF: *cough*
You used to be so skinny, I could see your ribs through your clothes!"
"I can see your ribs through your clothes..."
BF: I want my baby-back baby-back baby-back baby-back...riiiiiiibs!
Mei shrugged. "I eat like a piggy...blame metabolism?"
"Whatever that is..."
BF: Yeah, what does a *ten* year old—a ten year old in an *ancient, mystical land*—know about metabolism?
"OH!" Mei reached into a bag nearby and pulled out a costume similar to her own.
BF: Mei’s got more wardrobe on her than Queen Amidala!
"Put this on!"
BF: (Mei, impatiently) And THIS time, try not to put your head through the *sleeve* holes!
Echo took it from her, looking, if possible, more horrified than before. "You want me to...wear this?"
BF: It was an itsy-bitsy, teeny-weeny, yellow polka-dot bikini!
"Uh-huh!"
"It's your size!"
BF: Size ‘munchin’!
"Duh!" Mei shoved it at her. "Put it on, brother will be impressed. Trust me."
BF: Brother *loves* the leather...
Echo examined it. "I'll never fit in this..."
"It'll be a tight fit, but that's the whole point, after all..."
BF: Nothing wins a man’s heart over faster than becoming a skank! Right, Olivia Newton John?
"You're a sick little weirdo, you know that, right?"
BF: (Mei) So the doctors tell me!
Mei shrugged. "But what would you do without me?"
BF: Be a lot better off?
"Be a lot better off?" Echo said out of the corner of her mouth,
BF: (freaked out) Um...
continuing to examine the ensemble.
BF: Not that there was much to examine...
The princess folded her arms, again, indignantly and stuck her nose in the air.
BF: I’m really getting tired of reading that pose every five lines or so. Can Mei strike no other pose?
(Mei) Part of my “character growth” is an expansion of my “pose repertoire”!
"Really, I can't believe my brother hasn't killed you already. You can be a real bitch sometimes."
BF: Yeah, when your OCs call your OCs bitches, it’s time to make changes. C’mon folks, I wanna read AVATAR fanfiction, not a re-enactment of your locker room conversations, riveting as those might me!
"I'm taking that as a compliment.
BF: (Echo) I’m living in denial!
Now shoo, I need to put this on."
"All right." Mei smiled sweetly. "And if you want to know the dance, it's stomp, left left right, stomp, left left stomp."
BF: God, who taught you to dance, Mei? Gerald Ford?
"I have to dance?"
BF: (Echo) I’d really rather be a wallflower.
"No, I was just trying to scare you."
BF: Believe me, Mei, you don’t need to put in the extra effort.
"Ha, ha, ha..."
BF: (Echo) Ha, ha...*hack*....*hack*....*wheeze*...(keels over)
(BF, wistfully) If only....
From outside, the drums started pounding. Mei grabbed a fan from off of the table, opened it up, and put it up to her face so it hid her nose and mouth. "It's showtime."
BF: Break a leg. Compound fracture, if you please!
As soon as the little girl fled,
BF: (Mei) Gotta get out of this fic!
Echo started getting dressed. She threw her dress on the ground and donned
BF: Donned? Donned a New Age!
the costume...an extremely tight fit,
BF: If you stuck a quarter in her pocket, you could read the date!
but she managed to get it on. Echo looked down at herself, stunned. "Hell...I don't look half bad!"
BF: Yeah, but you don’t look half good in it either...
She grabbed a long string of decorative beads from the table and strung them around herself
BF: Mostly around the neck...hoping to hang herself later.
(her middriff was showing in this costume,
BF: Oh. Really.
and she thought a little bead coverage was better than nothing),
going in search of the prince.
When Echo was gone, Suki again poked her head out from under the table, then reached a hand up and scoured the tabletop until she felt her fingers close around some
BF: Weaponry!
(Suki) Finally!
pastries, which she quickly yanked back under the table and devoured. She couldn't remember the last time she was this hungry...
BF: (blinks) Um. Shouldn’t you be finding a way to escape before you’re found and killed by firebenders? I’m just saying...it’s not like we can *count* on the OC’s to get the job done!
Despite the beating of the drums, the stomping of the dancers, and the cheer and chatter of the crowd outside, Suki froze when she heard heavy footsteps approach the tent from behind.
BF: Man, she’s got ears like a bat! ...Or Momo!
She quickly dove back under the table and curled up, clutching her knees to her chest.
BF: Suki, *how* are you going to defend yourself from a possible threat by being crouched in a little ball?
The intruder grunted a few times,
BF: (intruder) Ug. Me neanderthal. Ugga ug.
trying to make his way around the cluttered tent.
BF: (Son of Frankenstein’s monster) WHERE are they keeping the cigars?
He eventually tripped over something, landing parallel to the table.
BF: Aha.
Suki could see the shadow of his hand reach over to pull the tablecloth up...
BF: Ahaaaa.
"STAY BACK-"
BF: (Suki) Back, I say! (Crosses self) The power of Christ *compels* you!
Before she could do anything else,
BF: That’s what you get for sitting in a little ball!
his hand was clamped over her mouth, she was dragged from under the table, and she was struggling, kicking, trying to scream, and all of a sudden, her attacker exclaimed, "SUKI!"
BF: Wait for it...
He uncovered her mouth, and Suki slowly turned around to find that she was staring at a Firebender with a mask on. Narrowing her eyes, she flipped over to a sitting position, and slowly reached over, pulling his mask off...
BF: Dude, if I was Suki, I would have skipped the “revealing” and just landed a sharp kick to the crotch. But, of course, we all know the one behind the mask is...
Sokka grinned. "Miss me?"
BF: (happy) Seeing as you’re one of the few ICs in this fic, OF COURSE!
Suki threw her arms around him, practically sobbing with relief. "You scared me half to death, you stupid asshole!"
Hugging her back, Sokka frowned. "Stupid asshole? I came to rescue you, and that's all I get?"
BF: Well...yeah. You nearly gave Suki a panic attack!
"Why, you want something else?"
BF: (Sokka) Free sex, maybe?
"Food would be nice..."
Suki reached up on the table and handed him a pastry.
"Nice!"
BF: (Sokka) I love Krispy Kreme!
Sokka stuffed it in his bag,
BF: Bag? Noooo, the *real* Sokka would have stuffed it straight into his mouth!
then looked at her. "I've never seen you without the facepaint before...
BF: (Sokka) Are you *supposed* to have a black eye?
and what did they do to you?"
"It's nothing, I'm fine," Suki said quickly, trying to climb to her feet. Despite her efforts, she immediately fell over, landing right on top of him.
BF: (Suki) Ooops, I tripped! Ooops, I tripped again! :3
"AGH! At least you're not heavy..." Sokka looked at her.
BF: As he was feeling up her breasts.
(Sokka) You know, Suki, you really shouldn’t bind these up so tight... you don’t want to end up with small boobs, do you? (gets smacked)
"Um, would you mind getting off of me so I can sit up? Why are you looking at me like...that?"
BF: (Sokka) Do you really have to curl your lip?
Suki hugged him again and whispered, "I knew you'd come for me..."
BF: That’s how she survived the beatings and the prisons and the OCs—she knew Sokka would *rescue* her!
"Well, of course I'd come for you," he replied proudly. "I'm heroic like that, y'know. Damsel in distress..."
"I'll let that sexist remark slide, but don't think you're going to get away with it next time."
"So why do I get away with it this time?"
"Because you are my hero."
With that, Suki pressed her lips to his.
BF: Awww. Yeah, I’m actually saying “awww”.
Stunned, Sokka returned the kiss, and Suki pulled away, smirking. "Are girls really that bad?"
BF: Only the OCs...speaking of which, this scene is going too nicely, which means one of them is about to show up...
The drumming outside stopped, and Mei burst through the tent...
BF: What did I tell you?
then froze.
BF: Into a solid block of ice! ...please?
"Oh, come on! You two just meet and you start making out, and brother has known Echo for weeks and he still hates her guts!" She then added, grumbling, "Although she'd better be making out with him by now or I'm going to pound her..."
BF: Whooooaaaaa...when Zuko doesn’t cut it, MEI takes over business!
Laughing at the confused look on Sokka's face, Suki explained, "This is Princess Mei, Prince Zuko's little sister. She's a little less insane than he is, but not much less."
BF: (Suki, gauntly) She’s also much more persistent than Zuko. She’s really hard up on the whole “sex” thing...
Sokka pulled the Firebender mask back on, blushing furiously. "And we weren't making out..."
"You're on top of each other-" Mei stopped, turned around, then turned back to them. "The other dancers are coming back, you two lovebirds had better get out of here, and fast! Take the route you came by, the back route!"
"Were're not lovebirds-"
BF: (Sokka, testily) We’re ‘honeybuns’!
"We don't have time for that," Suki interrupted. Sokka nodded and stood up, picked Suki up, and fled the back of the tent, just in time for Mei's friends to enter through the front.
BF: (Mei’s *quote-unquote* “friends”) Why does it smell like blood in here? And make-out sweat? Meeeeiiiiii....
(Mei) 9_9; I know nothing!
Mei put her fan back on the table and ate a pastry, sulking. "It's just not fair..."
BF: A lot of women make up for lack of sex by eating food...but I don’t think it’s healthy to start that habit so young...
Meanwhile:
"It's just like you to throw a party for yourself, then spend the entire night brooding."
BF: Your *presence* kinda causes that, Echo.
"I didn't throw the party for myself...ugh, you again?" Zuko glared at her. "How many death threats will it take to get you to go away?"
BF: Restraining orders, Zuko. It’s the only way.
"Actual death, maybe?" Echo walked over and studied him. He'd been lurking in the corner ever since their little encounter by the fireside.
BF: Plotting, plotting...
"What are you wearing?"
BF: Practically nothing!
"Clothes?"
Zuko snorted. "If you can call those clothes. They don't cover very much."
BF: (Zuko) I mean, what is that made of, *dental floss*?
"You're so weird," Echo said incredulously. "Any other sixteen-year-old guy would get horny seeing a girl in this type of clothing, but nope, not you...two years on a ship without girls did it, didn't it? Do you swing the other way now, is that it?"
BF: (cries) NOT ALL GUYS ARE HORNDOGS! SOME GUYS SHOW RESTRAINT AND REFINEMENT! Isn’t the reason girls love Zuko is because he’s the sort of guy you really have to impress before he’ll show you anything but irritation and/or rage? ISN’T IT?
"Are you calling me homosexual?"
"I'm saying you haven't been in contact with girls for awhile."
BF: So, naturally, that makes you a homosexual. GOD, you people are KILLING me!
"I'm not gay, damn you! Just because I don't like you doesn't mean I'm homosexual!"
BF: EXACTLY! I mean, if that was the case, then Arekisu would be the only straight person in the galaxy!
"I wasn't saying that, I was just...never mind. You're too dumb to get it anyway."
BF: No, Echo, *you’re* the one too dumb to “get it”.
"Go away."
Echo took a deep, calming breath, then walked over and sat on his lap, facing him.
BF: Oh God...I...I can’t even think of anything funny to say, I’m so horrified by the persistent *stupidity*. You know, maybe there was inbreeding between villages, and somehow Echo really IS related to Kotah...because otherwise...I just don’t *understand* it...
Zuko's hands clenched the sides of the chair. "Get off me. Now."
"I'm comfortable."
"I said get off me."
BF: (Zuko) Your thighs CHAFE!
Echo only scooted closer to him. "Do you ever smile?"
Silence.
BF: (sobbing on the floor) WHAT is there to smile about?
"I mean, except for smirking, that doesn't count..."
Zuko narrowed his eyes, yet made no move to get up. "If you don't get off me right now-"
BF: Really. That’s your cue. GET OFF.
"If you really wanted me to get off, you would have pushed me off."
BF: (Zuko, desperate) I WOULD have, but the author bound my hands to the arms of the chair!
"Is that so?"
"Yes."
"You would crack your head open on the ground."
BF: (Zuko, dreamily) And all the blood and gray stuff would come spattering out and...
(Echo, sick) Okay. That’s enough.
Echo smirked. "I thought you wanted me dead."
BF: We ALL do!
"I do, I..." Zuko looked away. Bus-ted.
BF: NO. More like “Disgus-ted”.
"Well..." She studied him for a moment. "I guess you actually do care about someone other than yourself. That's nice to know."
"You assume too much," Zuko growled at her. "Again, just because I'd rather gut you and feed your organs to the rhinos-"
"Aren't they herbivores?"
BF: Mary, Mary, quite *contrary*, how does your garden grow?
"-than marry you, doesn't mean that I don't care about anyone but myself."
"You're an ass."
BF: GodDAMN, she’s persistent in her irritatingness. This scene right here is like FIVE chapters of Mei crammed TOGETHER!
"Every word you say brings you one step closer to your death, Echo."
BF: Every word she says kills off another of my brain cells...
Echo gasped dramatically. "You called me by my name?"
BF: (Echo) Say my name, bitch!
"Yeah, so?"
"Are you sure you hate me?"
"Yes."
BF: GEEZ, *how* many times does a guy have to say it before she takes the hint?
"You're acting awfully strange."
Zuko turned his glare to her. "Am I?"
BF: (Echo) You’re also responding to everything I say with questions.
(Zuko) Am I?
"Yep. Oh, and by the way, Mei called you a prude."
"Mei can go die."
BF: (Zuko) I’m not *just* the president of the “KILL MEI NOW” club...(shiny smile)...I’m *also* a *member*!
Echo scooted up closer to him.
BF: You know that itchy feeling you get after watching a show about poisonous insects/arachnids on the Discovery Channel? I’m getting that right now. BIG TIME.
"Going to prove her wrong?"
"Get off me," Zuko snapped, obviously gaining back his irritated
BF: AND in-character!
train of thought.
"You have pretty eyes."
BF: (laughing) She’s gotta be drunk!
"Get. Off. Me. And go away."
Echo snorted, pressing herself up against him. "Now I see why Mei said that you'd die before you got your first kiss..."
BF: Well, from Echo, anyway.
Zuko pushed her away, looking even more angry. "What else has Mei said about me?"
BF: (Zuko) I need to decide what degree of torture to inflict upon her before I kill her.
"Loads of stuff," Echo said innocently, shrugging. "It's pretty pathetic that your ten-year-old sister is more of a pervert than you are."
BF: (slaps face) Noooo, just disturbing. *Why* is the fact that Zuko refuses to drop down and do Echo dry a point AGAINST him? If anything, he deserves a MILLION bonus points! Go Zuko!
Then the prince did the strangest
BF: most OOCest
thing; he pulled Echo closer to him. Much, much closer. "Is that so?"
BF: Very soon he would reach around and break her neck...
Echo froze, and brought her face closer to his, once again capitvated, and breathed, "Yes..."
Closer...closer...eyes closed...
BF: (horrified) I can’t watch! (dry heaves)
Mei chose that exact moment to pop up out of nowhere, screeching, "HEY! I was wondering if-"
"GAH!" Zuko sat up abrubtly, sending a screaming Echo tumbling from his lap and onto the ground.
BF: For the first time EVER in this fic, I am happy to see Mei.
"Holy...ARGH! What have I done?" Mei dropped her fan and stomped up and down a few times. "You guys were just about to-"
BF: Don’t say it! (covers ears) LALALA, I can’t HEAR you!
"Nothing. We were about to do nothing. What was I thinking? I'm going to go see if Father has arrived yet." The prince quickly pretended to dust himself off, looking disgusted, and stalked away, shaking his head and muttering.
BF: (shakily) That was a close call...
The expression of horror on Mei's face was almost comical.
BF: HER face? Check out the expression of horror on MY face!
"You were...just about to...and I...AWW, MAN!" She banged at her temples with her fists. "I'm sorry, Echo, if I wouldn't have interrupted-"
BF: Lalalalalalalala!!!!
Echo stood up and wiped the dirt off of herself. "He would have kissed me.
BF: LALALALALALALALALA!
And then I would have cleaned my own mouth out with soap."
BF: (Echo, after kiss) He’s been eating garlic again! Gah! Listerine, please!
Mei sniffled a few more times, then put on a positively evil grin upon hearing this. "You know you wanted him to kiss you."
BF: (deadpan) Yeah, Echo, you were totally hot for it.
"Eew, I did not-"
"You wanted to, admit it!"
"Gross, no way-"
"You're totally in love with him!"
"I am not in-"
BF: She’s not in “love”, she’s in “lust”. There’s a difference.
"You want to have his babies," Mei whispered, in the same manner she had done at the dinner table.
"EEW, MEI, GOOD GOD!"
BF: Please, this was painful enough the first time...
SLAP!
"EEK! I've been hit!" Mei reeled backwards dramatically as Echo's hand came in contact with the back of her head, then she began dancing in a circle around the older girl, singing loudly, "You wanna have his babies, you wanna have his babies-"
"MEI!"
BF: (Echo, freaking out) How do you turn this thing off?!
Dance, dance, dance.
BF: Dance Revolution!
"You should announce to the people now that they're going to have to put up with some more royal brats!"
BF: (people, in absolute horror) NO! MEI WAS ENOUGH! NO MORE!
"Zuko spawn brats," Echo grumbled.
BF: Zuko likes to spawn upstream!
"You admitted that you're gonna have his babies! WEEEE! I'm gonna be an auntie!"
Echo clamped a hand over Mei's mouth. "Shut up!"
Mei pushed her hand away and snickered. "Oh, silly me...how are two prudes gonna have a baby?"
"I am not a prude!" Echo said shrilly. "I was the one who was all over him!"
"You just admitted that you were all over him."
BF: Heh, you should have seen it, Mei. I’m going to be having nightmares for WEEKS.
"Why you little-"
Mei held her hands up. "Now now, don't get angry with me! I'm only tricking you into speaking the truth! Find your happy place...
BF: Which is over Mei’s bloody, mangled corpse.
which is, probably, being in his pants with him..."
BF: *With* him? What kind of pants is Zuko wearing? MC Hammer pants?
"MEI, I'M GOING TO FUCKING KILL YOU!"
BF: It’s still not to late to join the “KILL MEI NOW” club!
A few seconds later, the princess was fleeing the scene, an enraged older-sister-to-be at her heels. "HELP! SHE'S GONNA KILL ME!"
Two days later, at the Fire Nation Capital:
"I can't believe Father never came back..."
BF: Pretty smart bastard, that Ozai.
Mei shoved a bowl at Zuko. "Shut up, brother. He'll come back eventually. Now eat your dinner."
BF: These OCs sure are working hard to make Zuko their dog.
Sulking, Zuko pushed the plate away. "No. I'm worried.
BF: (Zuko) He was supposed to be home by 10:00, and it’s 10:30 now...why hasn’t he at least called?!
And where's that wretch I'm supposed to be marrying?"
BF: (Zuko) Has her body been hung off the palace’s walls yet?
"She's asleep. And Auntie Rae and Uncle Iroh went out for a walk...
BF: (Iroh, giggling) By the time they notice us missing, we’ll be long gone!
if you want me to leave too, so nobody will hear you and Echo, that's fine with me!"
WHACK! "MEI!"
BF: *sigh* She doesn’t waste time getting to being annoying, does she?
Due to the whack to the back of her head, Mei's face plummeted into her plate of stir fry. "BROTHER! Now there's rice up my nose!"
BF: She said as she snorted the rice and swallowed it.
"Serves you right," Zuko said with a victorious smirk.
BF: (Zuko, in Zim voice) Ricey-grained victory is miiiine!
Mei stuck the food that she had
BF: Scavenged from the kitchen floor a few days ago
wiped off her face into her mouth and frowned at him. "You need to chill out.
BF: (Mei, stoned) Yeaaah, maaaan. Why you gotta be such a downer all the time? Mellow ooouuuut, dude!
Why not go take a bath or something?"
BF: (Mei) You smell like cabbage!
Zuko got up. "For once, you actually had a good idea."
BF: Usually, Mei’s ideas were quite dangerous and stupid.
(Mei) Hey, brother, why don’t you go do your firebending training at the *fireworks* warehouse?
"Thanks!"
BF: My Spidey-senses are tingling! Mei’s up to something, isn’t she?
He left, and Mei kept eating her food, trying her hardest not to crack up.
BF: Because she knew that all of Ozai’s horses, and all of Ozai’s men, would never be able to put her back together again!
For, ten minutes later, a girl's screech was heard from the bathroom, and then her brother yelling, "MEI!"
BF: So...wait a second–what happened in the ten minutes before the scream? Oh my...
The princess continued shoving food into her mouth as Zuko, dressed only in a towel,
BF: Where was he wearing the towel? Was it “conveniently placed”? Details, Arekisu!
stomped into the room. "YOU LITTLE-"
BF: Now, I wonder if he’s referring to Mei, or Zuko Jr.?
"What's the matter, brother?" Mei asked sweetly, between bites.
BF: She’s really trying to get in as much of her last meal as she can!
"YOU DIDN'T TELL ME THAT ECHO WAS TAKING A BATH!"
BF: Well, we all know how rare an event that IS for Echo...
Mei put on the most innocent smile she could bear
BF: Which is none at all....
and said, "I didn't know!"
"LIKE HELL YOU DIDN'T-OWWW!"
Echo had run into the room with her robe on, slapped Zuko with her wet towel, yelled "PERVERT!", and left.
BF: Actually, she had meant to hit Mei, but missed.
Zuko groaned and tried to reach his back where she'd hit him. "Oww.."
BF: The fact that Echo had preformed a “hit and run” was the only reason she was still alive.
"Hehe..." Mei got out a piece of parchment and added another point to her own and Echo's column. The sheet now read: Echo, 10; Zuko, 3; Mei, 13.
"What's that?" Zuko stopped writhing in agony and looked over at his sister's sheet of paper. "What are you keeping track of?"
BF: It’s the “Detours” official “Annoying-O-Meter”! And I think we can all see who the winner is...
"One-ups," Mei responded.
BF: What about the Seven-Ups?
"See, you're losing. I'm winning because
BF: (Mei) I’m the spawn of Satan!
I instigate everything."
BF: (Mei) The Michael Jackson trial? I started that.
"You're a sick little...thing.
BF: (Zuko) Who let you out of your cage?
But I'm the one who walked in on her taking a bath..."
BF: Heh, trying to win points, Zuko? Don’t sink to their level. And anyway, “bathroom walk-ins” are so cliche today, they would have resulted in minus points for you.
"And then she hit you with a towel. Which I instigated."
BF: Mei seems to be the root of all evil. I bet she even causes cancer!
(Rae) You should feel my breasts. They’re lumpy like a sack of peanuts!
Zuko frowned. "I thought you said you didn't know."
BF: So she DID know Vader was Luke’s dad all along! That little snipe!
Mei froze, then gathered up her parchment. "I guess it's time for me to
BF: die?
run?"
Her brother nodded.
BF: (Zuko) Prepare to eat a plate of hot death!
Seconds later,
BF: Zuko, you don’t HAVE to give her a “three second start”, ya know...
Mei was running, and Zuko was chasing her, yelling curses, and randomly shooting flames...all while trying to hold his towel on.
BF: Huh. Guess the royal family isn’t big on dignity...
(Mulan) I never want to see another naked man again...
(Mei and Zuko run by)
(Mulan) @_@;;;
Later:
BF: Is Zuko dressed yet?
Echo rolled over in bed.
BF: (singing) Roll over! Roll over! So they all rolled over and one fell out! Roll over! Roll over!
"So..."
BF: (Echo) What’s your sign?
Zuko flipped
BF: Echo off
over and looked at her. "Go to sleep."
"I'm not tired, though."
BF: (Echo) I’m randy as hell!
"Well, I am." He turned back over to face the wall.
BF: Oooh (Juicy Fruit commercial narrator voice) De-NIED!
Echo remained facing his back. "I was thinking...maybe I should leave."
BF: It took you NINE goddamn chapters to figure this out? And endless death threats? She’s got a wit slower than the line at the DMV!
This time, Zuko flipped all the way over and stared at her. "Really?"
"What's keeping me here?"
BF: The author’s fantasies?
Zuko sat up, sounding kind of excited.
BF: “Kind of”? What, Arekisu, did you write the lyrics for that “Breakfast at Tiffany’s” song too?
"Now that's the right attitude! Just get your stuff and you can go, I won't say anything!"
BF: (Zuko) In fact, I’ll HELP you pack!
Echo frowned and got up, threw some of her stuff in a bag, and glared at him. "With me gone, you'll be sent into exile again."
BF: Pretty sad when the only reason a person keeps you around is to avoid being thrown from their home...God, how many couples did I speak out to in that last sentence?
Silence.
Wordlessly, Echo threw the bag over her shoulder and left the room. The prince made no move to stop her.
BF: Yeah, even exile is better than Echo. How morbid—it’s like one of those games where you ask, “Which way would you prefer to die: drowning or burning?”
As she made her way down the stairs, she heard the voices of Iroh and Raeona, as well as a voice they'd never heard before:
BF: (Voice) Hi, I’m Andy Roony. Tonight on 60 Minutes...
She heard Iroh first. "Are you sure he's dead?"
BF: Now, now, Pope John Paul II couldn’t live *forever*...(get struck by lighting) ...uuuurrrggh....
Then the strange voice responded,
BF: “No, my good sir...I don’t drink tea...only the blood of mortals! Blah!”
"Yes, sir. His body should be arriving soon for...for burial."
BF: (Iroh) We’ll bury him out in the backyard...and this time we’ll dig a deeper hole. Remember when Mei discovered Mr. Whiskers a year back?
"Oh no..." Raeona released a strangled sob. "What about the children?"
BF: Screw the children! Childhood trauma builds character!
There was silence in the room for a moment. Echo frowned and inched closer, trying not to miss anything that they were saying.
BF: Wait, Echo, where’s your broom? You need to be “sweeping” while you eavesdrop!
"Well," Iroh began slowly, "it seems as if...Zuko is now the Fire Lord."
BF: *Che*. No way. Ozai is hardier than a cockroach–*nothing* can kill him!
"And Echo will be his queen after they're married,"
BF: Pretty impossible to believe, but I think the people might actually MISS Ozai after *this*...
Raeona finished. "And Mei?"
BF: Throw her to the wolves! Or anything with sharp teeth!
"Mei hardly knew her father. Even when he was around, he never spent time with her,"
BF: (Ozai) I’m sorry, Mei, but daddy is busy taking over the world and exterminating other people. (grabs random book off shelf) Here, go read a book. Expand your mind.
(Mei, reading title) “Karma Sutra”? Hmmm...
Iroh responded. "She'll get through this. It's her brother that I'm worried about."
BF: Yeah, this kinda puts a kink in Zuko’s “Make Daddy Love Me Again” plans....Or DOES it?
(Zuko, playing catch with Ozai’s corpse) Finally, some quality father-son time, eh? Hey, pops, if you’re proud of me and love me, DON’T say anything!
(Ozai’s corpse) .......
(Zuko) Sweet!
Echo took a few steps back, hardly believing her ears.
BF: Echo really needs to brush up on her hygiene...they’re called Q-tips, girl! Use them!
King Ozai was dead.
BF: (Ozai) When I found out my son’s bride was an OC named “Echo”, I faked my death as soon as I could! It was a hell of a time finding and murdering a look-alike to take my place...maybe I’ll wait awhile and let the body decompose some more, just to make sure no one finds out it isn’t me...
They expected Zuko to rule the Fire Nation.
BF: (Zuko, grandly) I AM YOUR BURGER LORD!
And they expected her to rule at his side!
BF: Suddenly, Fire Nation stocks everywhere took a dive...
Stunned, Echo took a few more steps back...and, of course, tripped and fell on her ass.
BF: Giving her quite the concussion!
"Who's out there?"
BF: (Iroh) Burglars? (claps hands on either side of face) Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!
Iroh and Raeona came running out of the room, and they both stopped when they saw Echo...along with her bag.
BF: (Echo) It’s my *bag*, baby, yeah!
Raeona helped her up, dusting off her clothes. "You're not hurt, are you, dear?"
"I'm fine," Echo mumbled, reaching for her bag.
BF: (Rae) Damn.
"You're leaving?" Iroh asked, frowning, eyeing her travel clothes and bag.
BF: But mostly her bag, which was filled with stuff she had swiped from the palace.
"He doesn't want me here." Echo again threw the bag over her shoulder.
"You heard everything we said, then?"
BF: (Echo, sad) Yes...even the part about the Tooth Fairy not being real...
(Iroh and Rae) Oh, my dear, we are so sorry...
Echo nodded. "All the more reason for me to leave...nobody will exile him."
BF: Well, with Ozai dead, who can exile him? (Gets slapped upside the head by Iroh) Oh! Right! I mean, yes! Go! You’re sacrifice will not be in vain!
"There's more to it than that," Iroh said.
BF: (Iroh) Santa...he’s not real either.
(Echo, with tears in eyes) Noooo!
"He needs you, Echo, whether either of you think so or not, he does need you.
BF: Like he needs a broken leg or flesh eating bacteria.
And if he doesn't now, he will very, very soon."
BF: With the stress of ruling a kingdom, *somebody’s* gotta be his punching bag!
"There are other girls out there for him. Better ones. Prettier ones. Ones that didn't end up in the palace by a twist of fate. Ones that he'll actually like."
BF: Basically, everybody but Echo!
Echo smiled sadly. "This has been a dream for me...
BF: (angry) It’s been a *nightmare* for me!
it would be a dream for any girl, orphan or not...getting engaged to a prince...from the streets, to the palace. But dreams don't last forever...only until
BF: The fic ends.
you wake up."
BF: You know what? That speech was surprisingly rational and considerate to others. Well said, Echo, well said... Now GET OUT.
"And what about Mei?" Raeona protested. "She loves you, Echo! You're her big sister now...
BF: Yeah, you guys are like sisters! You both have that uncanny ability to inspire teeth-grinding!
don't expect her to just forget you!"
BF: Not even extensive therapy can repair the damage Echo did!
"Tell her that I love her too. And that I'm sorry." She turned and headed for the door.
Both of the adults watched her go, looking pretty hopeless.
BF: As soon as she was out of sight, they were going to bust out the party-poppers and champagne!
Iroh called out, "If you loved him, you would stay."
BF: (screams) Iroh! You’ve BETRAYED us!?
(Iroh) It’s not me, my dear, the author has me in her clutches... (indicates puppet strings tried to joints)
(BF, looking around) But where’s the author? (looks behind Iroh, and sees Arekisu with hand up Iroh’s ass) OH GOD!
(Author, talking through Iroh) Hey! You’re not supposed to look back here! Get lost!
Echo stopped walking and turned back to them slowly. "If he loved me, I would stay. But unfortunately, that's not the case."
"Unfortunately?
BF: There you go with that bad word choice again! The correct word is “naturally”.
Meikka says that you despise him." Raeona thrust her chin into the air.
BF: Raeona IS the Crimson Chin!
"But I don't believe that one for a second."
BF: Ah! Girl who cried wolf! Meikka’s lied so many times, they don’t believe her when she’s telling the *truth*!
"None of us do," Iroh contributed, stepping over
BF: the pile of dead bodies
to Echo. "Please. If you're going to leave, think of the rest of us, and not just yourself."
BF: Well, if she takes everyone else into account, that will only result in her needing to leave FASTER.
"The prince is the one who wants me to leave. I'm doing what he wants."
BF: (Nike voice) Then, “Just Do It.”
"You don't really believe that, do you?"
BF: Ghosts aren’t real, stupid!
Echo nodded. "Indeed I do."
BF: Whoa! It’s like Echo’s channeling Kenshin! Creepy!
"And why do you do what he wants," Raeona asked, "if you despise him?"
BF: Possible fear of death?
After a few moments of silence from Echo, Raeona and Iroh looked at each other somewhat smugly,
BF: (Iroh) Well, we *need* a country girl around the palace!
(Rae) Yes...who else would we laugh at after we crack one of our “You know you’re a Redneck if...” jokes?
and another voice popped out of the shadows: "It's because she loves him."
BF: (strangles shadow) Goddammit, Benge, get out of this fic!
Mei stepped into view, her small face wrinkled and ready to burst into tears,
BF: (Mei, wailing) I’m getting OLD!
but at the same time maintaining the usual defiance, radiating the I'm-always-right attitude. "You do love him, Echo."
BF: Where the hell does Mei keep COMING from?
(Little boy from “The Ring”) ...She never sleeps...
Cue a few more moments of silence,
BF: Aaaand, CUT! Take five!
compliments of Echo's indecision.
BF: Can we get flowers and chocolates compliments of Echo’s indecision?
Lowering her voice to a hoarse whisper, Mei continued, "Please..."
BF: (laughs) Mei is the OC Whisperer!
Echo turned all the way around and faced them, bottom lip quivering, before pushing past them all, running back up to "her" bedroom, and slamming the door.
BF: Where she played her radio cranked all the way up for the rest of the night.
(Iroh, banging on door) Turn that crap off and come out here! We’re not done angsting with you yet!
Mei didn't watch her go; the little girl's attention was still turned in the direction which Echo was about to go...which was straight through the front door.
BF: (Mei) There’s something out there...I saw it...
"Meikka? Go back to bed, dear," Raeona said gently. "It's been a hard day for you."
Slowly, the princess turned back to her aunt and uncle, and allowed a faint smile to appear on her face. "You're right, Auntie Rae. Good night."
As soon as Mei had trudged back up the stairs to her room, Iroh turned to Raeona. "That little girl has something wrong in the head."
BF: NO SHIT!
"Of course she does, we all know that. All she ever talks about is-"
BF: See? Even Raeona is agreeing with me!
"That's not what I mean, Raeona."
"Oh. Of course."
"It seems like half the time she's our normal Mei, but lately, she's seemed..."
BF: more annoying than usual...
"Haunted is the best way I can describe it. But haunted by what?"
BF: Slimer?
Iroh sighed. "I hope it's not those damned dreams of hers again..."
BF: (Iroh) She keeps everybody up at night with her howling!
"It's too late for all of us...
BF: (Rae, upset) We already missed the new CSI episode!
we should be in bed too."
"When will we tell Zuko and Mei about their father?"
"In the morning, dear...in the morning."
BF: (Rae) After we’ve liquored them up a little...
The Next Morning:
BF: Better known as “The Morning After”.
"I KNEW IT!"
BF: (Zuko) I KNEW it was old man Gibberts haunting the warehouse! Nice job, Velma!
"Get your hands off me, woman!"
BF: (Zuko) OW! Will you *quit it* with the purple nurples?
"You're trying so hard not to smile..."
BF: Smile...or grimace? It’s so hard to tell with Zuko...
"I am not!"
"Or laugh...how can you not laugh if you're being tickled?"
BF: (laughs) Yeah, I can totally see Zuko being tickled.
(Echo, annoyed) What, no reaction? What are you, a wooden Indian?
Zuko, still oblivious to his father's passing, pushed Echo away from him.
BF: Not like he would have embraced her if he had known...
"You are one psychotic bitch. I'm seriously going to kill you this time if you don't leave me alone."
BF: (Zuko) You linger like a bad fart! GO ALREADY!
"Yeah, right." Echo snorted. "You would have done it already." After chasing him through six
BF: Chapters
hallways, she'd finally run him out to one of the gardens, where she'd been on his tail through the rows and rows of rosebushes.
BF: (Zuko, panicked) I CAN’T SHAKE HER!
The air smelled like the roses, and their petals flew in the breeze and littered the ground...
BF: (is gagging on the shoujo overload)
it would have been romantic, if she wasn't
BF: in the fic!
trying to convince herself that she hated him.
"I'll give you five seconds to run or die-"
Echo promptly tackled him instead.
BF: (Madame Wu) Rosebushes...glomping...these are all signs indicating to some GREAT EVIL that is about to occur...
"HEY!" Zuko squirmed under her as he was tickled, obviously trying very, very hard
BF: to get away.
not to laugh, or even so much as smile. Nevertheless, the harder he pursed his lips, the harder frowning became.
BF: Fight the Dark Side, Zuko, fight it!
"Not so tough now, are you?" Echo cackled, still tickling him incessantly.
BF: I keep expecting her to draw back bloody nubs...
"You're insane." The prince sat up, flipped her onto her back and pinned her down, gaining the upper hand. "I'm never not tough."
BF: (Zuko) I never *not* speak right!
Echo smiled somewhat stupidly.
BF: (crosses out “somewhat” with a red pen)
"You have pretty eyes..."
BF: (vehemently scribbles out “somewhat” with red pen, and underlines “stupidly” repeatedly)
"Yeah, you've told me that at least a dozen times.
BF: (Zuko) I’m tired of hearing about my eyes. Talk about my ass. Tell me how firm and supple it is!
And besides, compliments aren't going to ease the pain of your passing."
BF: Yeah, we wouldn’t want that, now would we?
"Does that mean you're still planning on killing me?"
Zuko nodded, pinned her down harder, and brought his face closer to hers so he could hiss,
BF: “Serpent Sorcia!”
"Slowly and painfully."
BF: Two adjectives to describe how this romance scene is going.
"Is that so?"
"Yes."
BF: (Zuko) What, you want the details?
"Well then..." Echo tentatively wrapped her arms around his neck, after finding that his grip pinning her down had eased a bit.
BF: Cuing Zuko that more pressure needed to be applied.
"What do you think you're doing?"
"Taking advantage of
BF: (Echo) You! I’m going to make you my spineless love-slave, heeheehee!
the fact that I'm going to die anyway."
"Are you?"
"You just said you were going to kill me!"
"Maybe I was lying."
"Maybe you're screwing with my head."
BF: Maybe this dialog is a load of crap.
Zuko paused for a moment to decipher Echo's smirk,
BF: (Zuko) Okay...falcon, eye, eye, scarab, pyramid, another eye....argh! I hate hieroglyphics!
then he rolled his eyes. "Don't even mention what Mei would have to add to that."
"She'd say something like-"
BF: [CENSORED: TOO WILD FOR MiSTing!]
"What would it take to shut you up?"
BF: How about some ninja stars crammed down the throat?
"-about how we should be-"
Echo was cut off by a kiss on the lips.
Her eyes widened in shock for the slightest moment before fluttering closed, for she then tightened her arms around Zuko's neck, and tilted her head back slightly to deepen the kiss.
BF: Oh my God. JUST when I thought this scene couldn’t inspire anymore despair, IT JUST DID. (More gagging ensues)
Mei had thrown her basket of roses into the air, for she was a few yards away and unseen by her brother and his bride
BF: (starts screaming again) IT’S GETTING EVEN *WORSE*! MAKE IT STOP! MAKE IT STOP!!!
(for they were lost in their own little world...).
BF: They were lost on...THE RED PLANET!
The little princess jumped up and down victoriously. "YES! FINALLY! IT'S ABOUT TIME!"
BF: (Mei) Now I can record the hawt action and sell it on E-bay! Fangirls will pay a fortune to see this!
Zuko suddenly snapped back to reality
BF: (Zuko) What...what happened?
(BF) TT_TT Oh, Zuko, you don’t *want* to know...
and stared at her. "GET OUT OF HERE, MEI!"
"That was so cuuute..." Mei pretended to swoon.
BF: (Valley girl voice) Oh, gag me with a SPOON!
Growling, Zuko unwrapped Echo's arms from around his neck and got off of her, straightening his clothes.
BF: (sardonically) I’m surprised they’re still on...
"That never happened."
Echo sat up, dumbfounded. "What?"
"You heard me! It never happened!"
BF: (Zuko) I was drunk! I didn’t know what I was doing!
"But-"
By that time, Zuko had already stalked out of the gardens.
Echo flopped backwards to the ground, picked up a rose and examined it. "Well, damn..."
Mei skipped over to her and sat down. "He can't say he never kissed you, I saw it, I did."
BF: Me too. (rocking in fetal position) It burns...oh, it *burns*!
"That jerk can burn in hell."
BF: And you can take a pineapple up the ass!
"You're so totally, pathetically in love with him."
"I am not."
"Yeah, you are."
Frowning, Echo sat up and threw the rose aside. "I'm not the one who's afraid to love."
BF: (Zuko, singing) I think I love you, so what am I so afraid of...? (pause) Oh yeah. Echo.
"Did I say you were? Did I?" Mei stood up and brushed her dress off. "I know he's afraid, Echo, I know. But one day he'll get over his fear,
BF: Of contracting STDs from you...
and that's when you need to be there. That kiss thing? That just means that things are speeding up."
BF: Oh, great, that means the OOCness will be growing exponentially from now on...
"I have a bad feeling about this, Mei," Echo muttered darkly.
Mei shrugged. "So do I. I've always had a bad feeling about it.
BF: I’d like to third this notion!
But you should take your chances...you only live once."
BF: Yeah, this fic smells like “One Life to Live”.
She offered her hand. "After all, you are in love with him."
BF: After all, you *are* the mighty OC heroine.
Echo brought her hand up and touched her lips,
BF: She really needed some chapstick.
a light smile crossing her face. "You know what, Mei? I suppose I am."
BF: I’ll tell you what *I* am—thoroughly disturbed.
then flattened her long dress as it billowed out around her.
BF: I see London, I see France!
Sighing, she leaned back against the apple tree and idly plucked the petals off a daisy.
BF: (daisy screaming)
The air was fresh and clean, and the morning itself was glorious;
BF: (Klingon) This morning! It is glorious! The perfect day for BATTLE!
she found it ironic that even though the sun was shining brightly, disappearing now and then behind the fluffy clouds, a dark, dark shadow was being cast over the world.
BF: That cloud being “Detours” by Arekisu.
And somehow, she knew that the Fire Nation wasn't standing in the light, casting the shadow.
It was someone else.
BF: (Echo, annoyed) Do you MIND? You’re standing in my reading light!
Mei sat on a branch nearby, lost in thought, then resumed climbing the apple tree.
BF: (Mei) Just a little more...then I’ll be able to spit loogies on Echo, hehe!
The orchard was one of the girl's favorite places...
BF: Right after Chuck E. Cheeses and her brother’s closet, with the door cracked open.
she knew the palace grounds like the back of her
BF: backside
hand, and yet, she found the orchards the most beautiful of all.
BF: Never thought Mei would be a tree-hugger!
"Mommy used to take Zuko here, he said," Mei said, somewhat longingly, as she climbed. "She didn't like him climbing trees.
BF: Mostly because she had to climb up there after him in order to get him down.
But he did anyway." She crawled over to another branch and pulled off a few apples. She took him here whenever...whenever she wanted to get him away from Daddy.
BF: Which was usually on Monday Night Football.
Something was wrong between them...I don't know what.
BF: Ohh, you should *know* conservatives and liberals never work out!
But it was something terribly bad. And when I'm here, I feel closer to her...closer to the mother I never knew.
BF: Huh. Kinda like Pochahauntas and Grandmother Willow...
(Echo) Are you *talking* to that tree?
(Mei) It’s perfectly normal!
An apple fell in Echo's lap, and she smiled.
BF: (Echo) Holy shit...I just discovered gravity!
"Thanks, Mei."
"No problem!" Mei chirped, chipper once again, as she stuffed her basket full of apples, threw it to the ground, and hung upside-down from a branch. "Give me one? I can't reach."
BF: Well...yeah...that’s what you get for throwing your basket of apples on the ground.
Echo reached into the basket and handed an apple to Mei, then studied the little girl. "Raeona is going to be angry with you...your clothes are filthy."
BF: Mei IS a dirty little girl...
Mei took a huge bite out of the apple and swung down from the tree, landing perfectly on her
BF: Ass? Face? (Cattily) Is there a difference?
feet. "Like I care. Where's brother?"
BF: Building a barracks against Echo.
(Zuko, triumphantly) I’d like to see her sit on my lap *now*!
"Moping." Echo threw the daisy aside.
BF: (Echo) He loves me not. Bastard.
"I know this sounds terrible, but I'm hardly even sad. Don't tell anyone, though." Mei plopped down beside her sister-to-be and took another bite of the apple.
BF: And a little bit of worm...
"But Mei, your father is dead! After my family died, I cried for...a very, very long time."
BF: I thought you didn’t remember your family, Echo!
Echo examined her apple.
BF: When you looked at it sideways, it looked like George Washington!
"Zuko doesn't seem to be taking it very well. He's either in his room meditating, or practicing Firebending with Iroh."
BF: So basically, life as usual.
"So what else is new?"
"I hardly see him anymore..."
BF: Said Echo, beginning to suspect that was Zuko’s intent all along.
(Echo) Let’s go cuddle!
(Zuko) Umm...I have to go wash my hair...
(Echo) Oh, okay...wait...you hardly have any hair to wash in the first place! Get out here!
"Oh yeah, that's right. You're in love with him." Mei finished her apple, grinning, then coughed
BF: ...up a hairball.
and changed the subject as Echo glared at her. "I hardly knew Daddy. He didn't pay attention to me. All he cared about was brother...until..."
"Until what?"
BF: Until Pokemon took over his life!
(Ozai) The power of Pikachi must be MINE!
Mei squirmed. "Until he got in that fight..."
"What fight?"
BF: (Chief Wiggums) Another Monopoly-instigated domestic violence. How do these Parker Brothers sleep at night?
"Never mind." Mei got up and climbed back into the tree, trying not to let memory overtake her.
BF: She was already using up too much RAM as it was!
"Brother? Where are you going?"
BF: (Zuko) I’m going to DISNEYLAND!
"Don't worry about me, Mei."
"But...are you going to fight that guy? 'Cause of what he said?"
BF: (Guy) The Giants SUCK!
"Yes."
A sob. "Don't do it, brother, don't do it!"
BF: Don’t give in to peer pressure!
"I told you, I'll be fine! Now let go of me!"
"No!"
Mei's hands tightened on the branch she was sitting on...she now saw Zhao's sneering face, from her last encounter with him.
BF: (fondly) Ahhh, Zhao...how we miss his kickassness.
"Ah, little princess Meikka. I trust you like having your brother home?"
BF: (Mei) Yes, he’s much better behaved after the “surgery”!
A spark lit in her palms.
"How do you like his scar?"
BF: (Zhao) It matches his clothes quite well, don’t you think?
Screaming, Mei dropped out of the tree as the entire branch caught on fire, landing on her ankle and skidding across the ground.
BF: Burning, broken ankles, and roadburn all in one sitting? WOW!
Echo sat bolt upright and stared at Mei, before scurrying over to her, then looking over at the tree...the entire thing was on fire now. "You did that?"
BF: (Echo) Bad! Bad! (Rubbing Mei’s face in mess) You know what you did!
Mei was shuddering and sweating, her face pale.
BF: Nothing a little liquor won’t fix!
She gritted her teeth, whimpered, and nodded. "My ankle...my ankle hurts..." Wincing, she pulled up her dress to reveal that her foot was twisted at an entirely wrong angle.
BF: Backasswards, if I had to guess.
The older girl turned away, looking sick. "Damn..."
BF: Yeah, double-jointed people freak me out too.
Then, suddenly, the tree stopped burning.
BF: Smokey has saved the day *again*!
The branch that Mei had been sitting on smoldered for a few seconds, before crashing to the ground. Echo and Mei shrieked as the thing crumpled to dust.
BF: (woodenly) How fortunate Mei wasn’t on or under that branch when it fell.
"Did you put it out?" Echo asked, shaking violently.
BF: Trees come with fire extinguishers in the Fire Nation. Pretty standard, really.
"It just...randomly...wasn't on fire anymore!"
BF: I’ve seen the Hulk put together more fluid sentences than that.
(Hulk) Hulk...SMAAASH!
Mei let out a shaky breath and cringed. "I don't know...I don't care...I need help..."
"But how-"
BF: Feigning amazement over the tree no longer burning in order to prolong Mei’s suffering? How evil.
"I put it out, you imbecile. I'm a Firebender, after all."
BF: After all.
Zuko entered the orchard, knelt down beside Mei, and grabbed her foot. "Don't look."
BF: Mei wasn’t good with blood, and amputation was a messy procedure...
"I want to look-OWWWW!" Mei screamed as a sickening crack was heard; her brother had popped her foot back into place.
BF: (singing) The ankle bone connects to the–leg bone! The leg bone connects to the–hip bone!
The princess wrinkled up her face and started to sob.
"Oh, shut up, you little wuss." Zuko gathered Mei into his arms somewhat affectionately and picked her up.
BF: (Zuko, somewhat affectionately) Shut up or I’ll burn your face off...
"You'll be better soon. Aunt Rae can fix you up...oh, come on, stop crying! You're giving me a headache, Mei!"
BF: I hear ya! (shakes Advil bottle) Damn...almost out.
Mei leaned against her brother and wrapped her arms around his neck.
BF: ...Ready to strangle him for not being gentle with her.
"I'm sorry..."
"Do you have to be so mean to her? She just broke her ankle!" Echo said, frowning.
BF: (matter of factly) Actually, she just dislocated it.
Zuko narrowed his eyes.
"It's okay, please don't fight, you guys, I'm fine, really, I'm fine!" Mei laughed nervously. "Brother, why don't you just-"
"Why do you have to be so mean to everyone?" Echo spat. "What's your problem?"
BF: *You* are?
"You're my problem," the prince retorted.
BF: Wow. It’s like we’re psychically linked.
"And at the ceremony tomorrow, I'll be crowned King of the Fire Nation." A sick, evil smile crossed his face.
BF: Awwww...see? He has his daddy’s smile!
"And I'll have you executed."
BF: Now, THAT’S the way to start off being Fire Lord!
Mei's eyes widened. "Brother, don't-"
"And I can have you executed too, Meikka. And don't think for a second I won't."
BF: Oooh, BONUS execution!
"You'd execute your own flesh and blood, just because she opposes you?" Echo asked, eyes wide.
BF: Nah, just because she’s annoying.
"I don't oppose him!" Mei said quickly. "I oppose how he treats you!"
BF: Me too! Entirely too *well*, if I do say so myself.
"How I treat her is none of your concern." Zuko turned and started carrying Mei out of the orchard.
And as he went, he made the apple in Echo's hand catch fire.
BF: Oh! I LOVE apple crisp!
With a shriek, she dropped it and shook the ashes off her hand. A smile suddenly appeared on her face.
She chucked the smoldering apple at the prince's retreating back
BF: FOOD FIIIIIIIIIIGHT!
Zuko whirled around, glaring at her. "Oh no, you did not just do that."
BF: (Zuko, snapping fingers) Don’t go there, girlfriend!
Echo smirked. "There's a huge burn mark on the back of your shirt, dear."
BF: (Zuko, peeved) That’s from the crappy ironing job you did this morning!
"Come on, brother! Ignore her and take me to Auntie Rae!" Mei said, looking back and forth between them as they glared each other down. "Brother?"
Zuko continued glaring at Echo...a forceful, powerful glare, that made her shiver down to her sandals.
BF: With *lust*!
The tension was hanging in the air like a thick fog, so dense that it could have been slashed with a knife.
BF: *Whew*! That’s why you need to use Bean-O!
"Sorry!" she cried when she couldn't take the glare anymore, and she shrank back, trying to look pentient and contrite.
BF: But instead only achieved wussy and spineless.
"One day, Echo," Zuko snarled, "you're going to be sorry that you're such an annoying waste of space
BF: (glumly) Ten chapters, and I’m still waiting.
Get out of here."
Wordlessly, Echo ran.
BF: Runnnn, Echo, runnnnnnn!
Mei looked at her brother as he carried her to Raeona's apothecary.
BF: Apothecary? Since when did royalty run the local Walgreens?
"You don't mean that."
Silence.
BF: A rarity in this fic.
"Don't touch her!" Mei screeched, writhing in his arms. "I swear, if you touch her-"
BF: (Mei) Keep yo’ hands off mah *woman*!
"If you don't stop moving, I'm dumping you on the ground and leaving!" Zuko shouted, trying to maintain a hold on the struggling girl. "Then you can crawl to Aunt Rae and babble to her about what a horrible person I am, just like you always do!"
"I do not!"
Zuko walked faster. "Yes you do!"
BF: (Zuko) YOU’RE the one who told Aunt Rae I was stealing from the cookie jar!
"I just don't understand why you're so mean to Echo!" Mei howled back, her struggling growing feeble. "You're meaner to her than Daddy was to you!"
BF: Obviously, this was written before “The Storm”, or any real mention of Lord Ozai’s evilness.
Her brother remained silent as he continued to carry her. Maybe so. But do I care? I should...
Right?
BF: WRONG.
Meanwhile, en route to the North Pole:
"Sokka and Suki haven't been out of that tent for a long, long time..."
BF: The “Do Not Disturb” sign did not ease Aang’s mind either.
Katara threw the sticks to the ground, frustrated.
BF: (Katara) Urgh! I’m tired of playing “Pick-up Sticks!” Let’s play “Shoots and Ladders”!
"Do you mind, Aang? I'm trying to make a fire so we don't freeze to death!"
BF: Join Sokka and Suki. I bet it’s pretty warm in *there*...
"Sorry..." Aang plopped down beside her. "I forgot that we're that close to the North Pole."
BF: (Aang) I can’t think with the cold freezing my brain.
"It's okay, I just-" Katara frowned. "Did you hear that?"
BF: (Aang, guiltily) Wasn’t me!
"Yeah, what was it?"
BF: Barking spiders!
Katara stood up and looked around. "I don't know...but I don't like it."
The two of them stood up and looked around, and Sokka stumbled out of the tent. "Did you guys hear that too?"
BF: (Sokka) I couldn’t make out what the noise was with Suki’s tongue in my ear though...
Aang and Katara nodded.
Sokka stood outside the tent protectively. "They're not capturing Suki again!"
BF: (Sokka) Rescuing her ONCE was pain-in-the-ass enough...
"Shut up!" Katara hissed. "Be quiet and let's listen!"
They stood completely still for a few minutes, barely daring to exchange glances. The bushes kept rustling, and the three of them heard footsteps here and there. Aang and Katara huddled closer together.
BF: (Aang) Oooh, the scary bushes, Katara! Hold me!
Then, suddenly, a boomerang so much like his own flew out of nowhere and whacked Sokka in the back of the head.
BF: Wait...isn’t he standing at the entrance of the tent?
(Sokka) OW, Suki! Gimme a minute, will ya?
He was unconscious before he hit the ground.
BF: Wow. Sokka’s easier to take down than Sakura from Naruto!
"Sokka!" Katara yelled, running to her brother.
A hand shot out from behind a nearby tree and caught the boomerang,
BF: I keep picturing a Loony Tunes type scene, where the person is hidden behind a tree impossibly too thin...
as a masculine voice commanded, "Capture them!"
People clothed in blue hopped out from everywhere
BF: One even flew out from underneath Katara’s tunic!
and grabbed Katara and Aang, twisting their hands behind their backs.
BF: Sheesh, haven’t seen these guys so easily outmaneuvered since...well...Suki and gang!
The same voice demanded, "Let me see them!"
BF: Gee, I wonder who it could be...
Their attackers turned Katara and Aang toward the leader of the group.
Katara felt the breath catch in her throat. "D...Dad?"
BF: Guess this dad isn’t as smart as Ozai and stuck around for the fic...
Later That Night:
What am I doing?
BF: Zuko suffers another “Senior Moment”.
Zuko hovered outside his room where Echo was changing,
BF: Hmmm...looks like Zuko has acquired Mei’s peeping habits.
arms folded behind his back, fists clenched. She has this coming. This will put her in her place...
BF: A water-balloon attack will knock the wind out of her sail for *sure*!
But what will people think of me?
BF: (people, eying firebenders warily) We think he’s great! GREAT!
Since when do I care, anyway?
BF: (Zuko, singing) I am beautiful, no matter what they say. No, words can’t bring me dooown...
I can do whatever I want. I'm the Fire Lord! I'm close to ruling the world!
BF: (Zuko) I am ze Fuhrer!
And so what if Echo gets a few scratches on her?
BF: (Zuko) And a couple of broken ribs and maybe a few concussions...
She burned a hole in my shirt...she's constantly contradicting me...and trying to get close...I push her away. I don't want her. I don't. She has this coming, that annoying little...
BF: Zuko’s trying *so hard* to resist the OOC...
(Zuko) I won’t give into the drug...must...hate...Echo...
(Author) You will be assimilated. Resistance is futile.
But why does it feel so wrong?
BF: Oh no! We’re losing him!
He shook it off, cursing to himself,
BF: That’s it Zuko, fight! *Fight* the OOC!
wondering why human beings had been born with feelings.
Without emotions, things would be a lot less complicated.
BF: That was a very JTHM moment...
We'd be better off without them.
BF: I’ve been saying that about short-shorts for *years*, but they haven’t gone away...
Plastering a frown deeper onto his face,
BF: How long to you need to let that set before you put another layer on?
he strode into the room. "Can I have a moment?"
BF: (Zuko) And maybe some of your skittles?
"Do you have to ask, your highness? Can't you just take a moment?"
BF: Rowr!
Zuko scowled. "You know what I'm talking about, you insolent little-"
"Get on with it. What's my sentence?" Echo flopped back onto the bed dramatically and smirked at Zuko in the doorway. "Torture, dungeons, execution, what?"
BF: (gleefully) Oooh, maybe he’ll cover her in honey and subject her to the African ant torture!
"You're going to marry me."
BF: GAK! That’s even worse!
The girl sat bolt upright. "Excuse me?"
BF: (Echo) Say whaaaat?
Zuko folded his hands behind his back and was silent.
"You still want me to marry you? Even though nobody is forcing it?"
BF: Well, I wouldn’t say “nobody”...
(Author) Hey, shut up, you...
"I told you that you would prove useful yet. You're mine now, Echo. Mine."
BF: [insert evil cackle here]
Neither of them spoke for a moment, and then Echo's eyes widened. "Useful for what, exactly?"
BF: Swabbin’ the poop deck!
"As a slave, of course."
BF: And suddenly, Zuko becomes Jabba the Hutt.
"What...kind of a slave?" Echo scooted away from him on the bed, alarmed.
"You know what kind of slave."
BF: (Echo) Noooooooo! I *hate* doing windows!
"I don't..."
A slow, cruel smile spread across the new king's face. "Then let me show you."
BF: @_@ Holy crap, Stanley Kowalski IS Prince Zuko in “Detours”!
The Next Day:
"And she won't tell anyone what happened?"
"Not a soul."
BF: (Xellos voice) Sore wa himitsu desu! ^_^
Mei sighed, then hugged herself and shuddered. "You don't think...no, Uncle Iroh, no! Brother isn't like that, he'd never, ever, ever do that!"
BF: =_= Looks like Echo wasn’t the only character raped here...
"The doctors examined her while she was unconscious."
"And what did they say?"
BF: (Doctor) Whoa! This chick has THREE boobs! *Nice*!
Iroh was silent.
BF: He wanted those boobs for *himself*!
Mei clamped her hands over her mouth to muffle a whimper. "She's going to end up just like Mommy, isn't she?"
BF: How is she able to talk with her hands over her mouth? Does *nothing* stop her blabbity?
"Let's not jump to conclusions, Meikka," Raeona said gently.
BF: (Rae) We don’t know if it was Dr. Morose in the library with a knife!
"Your mother was weak."
BF: *snort* Weak? I’m sorry, but I don’t think you can be married to Ozai without having at least a *little* backbone to you! (pause) It would be cool if she was like one of those Amazon chicks from Futurama...
(Ozai) Please! No more nookie! My sensitive man-flesh is bruised and needs rest...
(Mrs. Ozai) GET IN BED NOW.
(Ozai, with a squeak) Yes, dear!
"So is Echo, she is, Auntie Rae!"
BF: Weak AND unnecessary. I would have just settled for one!
"Love blinds people. That's why your mother never left your father, after all he did to he
