Me Again! Stormcat’s back to save the Avatar-verse one Fic at a time! Now this Fic right here, this is about the Water Tribe. Now, I don’t like the Water Tribe a whole lot, but that does not excuse Authors from butchering it! As if the slaughter of the Water Tribe wasn’t bad enough, there’s a second Avatar! DUDE! That’s like the Number one Item on the “You know you’ve written a bad Fic when...” list! This Fic is practically begging to be MiSTed!
Chapter 1
"So, you mean I'm the Avatar? How can you be sure?"
SC: You’ve had the same reaction every single avatar before you had when they were told that they were the Avatar, That’s how!
"We knew when you started Waterbending at two.
SC:...but for Some strange reason, we couldn’t potty-train you until age eight.
At Avatar Aang's final request, we let all the Waterbending children pick a toy in a pile. You were the first one, yet you didn't pick a toy, you picked this."
SC:...a Flamethrower. We began having our doubts about your sanity almost instantly...
The elders held out a beautiful necklace that had a sapphire heart.
"My necklace!" she touched it.
SC: Hey! It’s fake! What a Rip-off!
"Yes, you chose Katara's engagement necklace."
"Avatar Aang's wife!" her eyes widened.
SC: As if the Author’s name didn’t give away their favorite ship already.[/sarcasm]
"Yes. You see, Aang told us to put it in there, and whoever picked it was the next Avatar."
"Wow. So I am the Avatar?"
"Yes. Now, we know you are a Master Waterbender, so now you must go master Earthbending. Good luck."
SC: Finally! We can get rid of this abomination!
"Don't forget. First you master Water, Earth, Fire, Air.
SC: And proper Grammar!
You must learn in this order. Water is cool, and calming. Earth is steady, and stable. Fire is ruthless, destructive, and alive.
SC: and as Jeong Jeong would say, it is a burden!!!
Air is essential, live-giving.
SC:I thought that was Water, now that I think about it, Air is pretty useless unless you aren’t a fish.
Don't forget what we've taught you."
SC: You’ve already failed kindergarten three times! Don’t screw up again!
"Yes, master." she bowed. He bowed back.
SC: eyeing her Boobs on the way back up
She exited the tent. "So, what was that about?" Pakku, her best friend asked.
SC: Shouldn’t Pakku be dead by now?
"I have important news. Where's Enya?" "She is with Mistress Kenya."
SC: Come see Lions! Only In Kenya!
"It's Healing Lessons today?"
SC: again? They’ve served Healing Lessons every day this week! I’m sick of it!
"Yep." "Go get her and tell her its important. Meet me at our place."
SC: The KND Tree house was the only place guaranteed against adult attacks
She ran to the tent. She packed up everything she owned.
SC: which amounted to nothing but three porn magazines
She went by the river. She practiced for awhile. "Kiara?
SC: Your Father, Simba, has been looking all over for you!
Pakku said you had something important to say." "I do. Pakku,
SC: You may kiss the Bride!
Enya. Come on." "We haven't done this for years, Kiara.
Enya: I really missed us doing three-ways!
It must be really important. "Life changing." she said while she nodded.
Kiara: Guys, I’m pregnant.
They sat in a circle holding hands.
SC: Come oh great Spirits! Send us a sign! WOAAAAHHHHH!!!
"What is it Kiara?" "Well, as you know, I had a meeting with Chief Nayuko.
Kiara: We had hot Sex and...
He told me...he told me that I was the Avatar." "No way!" Enya's eyes widened. "No. Are you sure it isnt a mistake?"
SC: Wasn’t the cycle Broken after the Genocide of the Air Nomads?
Pakku asked. "I don't know, but they said that this" she held out the necklace, "was Katara's." She told them everything the elders had told her. "Wow. Well, we better pack."
Pakku: Kiara, we’re sending you to Arkam Asylum for the Criminally insane!
"We-we?" Kiara said, doing a double take while gathering her stuff. "What do you expect?
Pakku: Well, We’re coming too, just in case the crazy spread.
We let you go alone and get killed by some Fire Nation soldier?
SC: Sounds like a plan!
No, we are going with you." Pakku said, standing up. "Well, I'm packed." she gestured to the sack. "We'll be back here at sunrise, okay?"
Kiara: Bring the rest of the Porn Magazines! My Mom confiscated the ones I had!
Kiara and Enya were sitting by the ocean's edge. Pakku finally came.
SC:...and pushed them into the freezing cold water, where they died of hypothermia.
"FINALLY!" she exclaimed. "You...try...carry...a...canoe...on...YOUR...back...!...help...?"
SC: Why couldn’t you just row it over?
They ran over and used Waterbending to set the canoe in the water. "You know that this city is completely rivers?"
SC: No Buildings, Just Rivers? What is this? Atlantis?
She was right. The Northern Water Tribe city had no streets. Only rivers.
SC: Apparently, the Water Tribe had relocated to Venice, Italy.
"Well...so?" She rolled her eyes. "Let's go. Got a compass?" Pakku tossed her one.
SC: It hit her in the head, knocked her out, she collapsed into the ocean where she promptly drowned, the end.
"We are heading to Gilashi city...it's an Earthbending city on the coast. There we will trade in the canoe for supplies. We need to head South...west."
SC: I’ve herd Southwest is a good airline, but I wouldn’t know, I’ve never flown with them.
They climbed in the canoe, and stared at their beautiful city. "We'll...return. Someday...when I've mastered Earthbending, okay?" They nodded, gulping down the tears. They set off.
SC: Everybody does this when they leave Hawaii. It’s just...so...beautiful! *Sobs* Pele! I will return to you! *Bawls uncontrollably*
Chapter 2- -Festivals at Gilashi- -Part 1- -Pukki and Mekki
They were in their canoe. The three of them were using their Waterbending as jets. Pakku stopped. "I never thought I would get sick of the color blue!"
Pakku: Stop Playing that Eiffel 55 Song!
"Stop being such a whiney baby. We've covered more area with the Waterbending then if we spent 10 days without it!" "HOW CAN YOU TELL! WE"VE BEEN SEEING ONLY BLUE FOR 2 DAYS!"
Pakku: And you’ve been Playing Eiffel 55 the whole time! Knock it off!
he sat down. Enya, who had been quiet suddenly yelled, "LAND!" "Finally! And I hope they have food!" He showed the empty basket.
SC: to It’s room. Apparently, Baskets are treated like people in Avatar-land.
"Hey! You ate that all! It was gonna last two more days..." she sighed. They carried the canoe through a thick forest. They stopped. "Wow. That's amazing..."
SC: A thick non-kelp forest in the middle of the ocean? That IS Amazing!
They were in front of a city where it was covered in green.
SC: Welcome to Ireland!
"Yep. That's definitely an Earthbending city." Kiara ran up and put her arms around the other two. "Welcome to the city of Gilashi, you two!" She hugged them, and then grabbed the canoe and ran off.
Kiara: Muahaha! It’s like taking candy from a baby!
The guards stopped them. "Who are you?" "I am Yisha and this is my fiancee, Nikki. This is Zana. We are here to trade goods from the Northern Water Tribe." "Welcome to the city of Gilashi. Enjoy your stay." She skipped in. Pakku caught up to her. "Nikki, Yisha, and Zana? And I'm your FIANCEE! I dont remember asking you to marry me!"
Pakku: You never gave me a pretty engagement necklace!
"Shh! Don't worry. You should never give your real name and reason." He rolled his eyes. They went into the market. Kiara went into a shop, and left with multiple huge bundles.
SC: Stolen, of course.
"Supplies!" She smiled.
SC: No! No! No! You jump out from your hiding place and yell “Sur-Prize!” Sur-prize! Okay, That’s how a surprise birthday party works!
"And you call this a supply?" He held up a cake. "Hey! I'm hungry! And I got two more!"
SC: Stomachs? Mutant cow boy on the loose!
She held out two more. "Okay, nevermind." They ate their cakes. "We should probably find an inn to stay at." She looked around. For some reason, she felt a feeling to go into one in particular. She walked into it. "Hello. Welcome to the Freedom Inn."
SC: ...check out is at noon and , I’m sorry, No Pets allowed. Yes, we are Triple A Approved!
He bowed. She sensed that she knew this tall, dark haired Earthbender.
SC: OMG! IT’S ORLANDO BLOOM!!!!!111!!!1THEONE!
He was middle-aged, probably 40 or so. He was rather skinny. He had a sunny disposition and seemed rather nice.
SC: that proves it’s Orlando Bloom!
Another man came up behind him. "Welcome!" This man was roughly the same age. He had dirty, shaggy, long, dark hair. Then it hit her. She knew who they were. "HARU! JET!"
She hugged him. He responded to this by covering her mouth. "Don't. Say. Those. Names. Ever. Again." he whispered in her ear.
Haru: those are the two men known as “He who must not be named” and “He who’s name is really hard to pronounce”. We do not speak of them.
"Mekki, the chamber." Jet followed Haru. They went into the cellar. They placed her on a barrell.
Haru: Now, Where did we put the wiskey?
They stood parallel to each other. Stomped several times, and together Earthbended.
SC: Or Raindanced. Take your pick
The wall rumbled. Part of it sank into the ground. "Mekki." Jet nodded. He went over and took her into his arms.
SC: Since when Did Haru become a girl?
She was kinda surprised at this action, but she blushed. "You know, I'm perfectly capable of walking." Jet groaned. "Come on! I haven't gotten to hold a girl since..." he cut off. He stopped walking, and seemed to be remembering a painful, yet tender memory.
Jet: those baby seals...gone...all gone...
"Mekki. She's gone." Haru said, also getting this look in his eyes. Jet nodded. He wiped a tear from his eyes. "Anyways," Haru continued, seeing that Jet was having a rough time,
Haru: (Sigh) This always happens when he watches “Bridges of Madison County”.
"this is sacred Earth. You see, this used to be an Earthbending Temple. Only Earthbenders may walk on it." "Well, what would happen, if say, a Waterbender walked on it?"
SC: Indiana Jones-esque death traps pop up out of nowhere?
Jet laughed. "We tried that. Ever wondered what happened to Giliki?"
"Who's that?"
"Exactly."
SC: Wasn’t she that lady who said “I’ll have what she’s having” in that one movie with Billy Crystal?
Haru looked at him. "Don't even joke like that." "Alright! Okay, really, we don't know. But, we aren't gonna waste a pretty lady like you. I'm personally waiting for a Firebender." He laughed coldly.
Jet: those Firenation girls, now THERE’S some hot-blooded chicks if ever there were any!
Kiara looked around.
"Here we are!" Haru said, pointing at a small table with a couple of chairs and candles. Jet placed her on a chair, and striked a match and lit some candles.
SC: Suddenly, two Italian waiters came out of nowhere singing “Bella Noche”.
"First things first. We havent used our names, Jet and Haru, for over 20 years. I'm Pukki,
Pukki: Beloved teddy bear of Garfield that cat...
and Jet is Mekki. Now, who are you?" She straightened up. "I am Kiara, of the Northern Water Tribe. Age 15." He nodded.
Kiara: No relation whatsoever to The Lion King
"Okay. How did you know our actual names!"
She had never thought about that.
Kiara: uh...you were wearing nametags?
"My friends and I needed to rest. We are on a journey. We decided to stop at your inn. And then I saw you two. It was like, I knew you from a past life!"
Then she realized that being the Avatar, it probably was. Aang most likely because these men didnt look over forty! Jet, who had been quiet, spoke up.
Jet: When is our Lasagna getting here? I’m starved!
"Could you tell me what happened to Katara?"
"I never met them. I was born the day they died. She married Aang after he defeated Ozai. They lived in our village for a little while, but then they went to the Fire Nation to visit Sokka.
SC: How did Sokka end up in the Firenation? Did he Marry Ty Lee?
They were ambushed and they fought bravely.
SC: Ty Lee is VERY Overprotective.
But they had both been burned in the chest.
SC: There’s a Heartburn pun in here somewhere, but I’d rather not.
They jumped in a lake and didnt survive. Katara's healing and Aang's airbending couldnt help them. They were found in each other's arms by my tribe the next day."
SC: That was so sweet I think It gave me Diabetes!
She had no clue how she knew this! Jet and Haru looked sad. "We both knew Katara. She was a great woman." Haru said.
Haru: ...kind of reckless, but still a great woman.
"Jet and Katara kinda had a thing for each other. But that quickly ended when she found out that Jet was gonna flood the village."
SC: Didn’t she like Haru too?
They heard a noise. "Stay here."
Jet went and crept around. He returned with a person.
Haru: Here’s our waiter! Where’s my Fettuccini Alfredo?
She couldn't tell who, because their clothes covered their upper body. Jet was dangling a boy upside down.
SC: If that’s my little brother, you can keep him!
"LET ME GO!" "Why were you spying on us!" "I just wanted to know where Kiara went!" She recognized that voice. It was Pakku! "Pakku!" Jet stopped. "You know this...this thing?"
SC: Yes, My brother often leaves people with the impression that he’s part-monkey.
"HEY!" "Yes! We are traveling together!" She jumped up and ran over. Jet shoved Pakku into a chair ("OUCH!") and then Haru and him came over, eyes wide and jaws dropped.
Haru: A Green day t-shirt? Dude! I love that band!
"What? What are you staring at?" Haru and Jet both pointed. Jet mumbled, "You are walking...Earthbenders only...how?"
Haru rolled his eyes. "He means how can you walk on Earthbending ground if you are a Waterbender?"
Pakku: I Just let Indiana Jones walk in front of me and he disables all the death traps.
"Hey, how do you know that?" Jet retorted. "She never said she was!"
Kiara bit her lip. "Yes, and no."
"How could you be both a Waterbender and an Earthbender? It's impossible! What are you, a crossbender?"
"Well, sorta."
"Sorta? It's yes or no!"
"Oh my goodness! Don't you get it? I'M THE AVATAR!"
Everyone froze. She looked around hesitantly. She smiled weakly.
Kiara: oops, I farted.
"Wow, that was random." Pakku said. She smiled. "Well, we better get back. We've got a hotel to run." Jet went and picked up Kiara and held her.
Jet: Promise you’ll never leave me!!!
"Hey, I thought we cleared this up. I-" "SHH! I know." "So you are gonna hold me anyways?" "Yep. I never give up the chance to hold a girl, especially a beautiful one like you."
SC: That just sounded so wrong...
She blushed and smiled. Pakku frowned. He folded his arms and glared at Jet. "I think someone's jealous!" Haru said.
Haru: I know! I’ll pit Jet and Pakku against each other and then run off with Kiara all to myself!
"AM NOT!" Pakku said, and he ran into a wall. Haru rolled his eyes, and they all laughed except Pakku.
SC: Pakku needs better glasses.
"Jealous? I'm SO not jealous. Im the least jealous guy you'll ever meet." Pakku kept mumbling stuff like that under his breath.
SC: Sokka plays Pakku in: “Avatar: The New Beginning”!
Finally the came up. (ooc: by the way, Haru is holding Pakku. His head ran into the wall.)
SC: I Think My brain just imploded trying to figure out the logic in that last sentence.
Jet set Kiara down, and Haru set Pakku down.
Jet: okay now kiddies, when a Mommy and a Daddy REALLY Love each other, they go out to Wal-mart and...
"Well, we've gotta go. Thanks for the visit." Pakku said, frowning. He started out the door. "What's his problem?" Enya said, as she stood up.
Kiara: He didn’t take his Prozac today.
"Jealousy." Kiara laughed. "We'll come back tonight, ok?" "Alright." Jet said. Kiara and Enya ran after Pakku. "Thanks for the show, Pakku." "Hey! That guy had his arms all over you!"
Pakku: just be glad he didn’t offer you anything to drink! Otherwise, who knows what could’ve happened!
"He was caring for my safety!" "YOU COULD WALK AND HE HELD YOU ANYWAYS!" "So? He wanted to make sure I was safe!" Pakku started to say something, but just grunted and ran out. Kiara went the other way.
MEANWHILE
Prince Iroh stood on his ship. His father, Fire Lord Zuko, had passed down the task of capturing the Avatar.
SC: Wait, What? It’s like this: Iroh is Zuko’s UNCLE. Not his son, His UNCLE!!!
A task that his father was in charge of, and his father, and his father, and his father. All of them had failed. His own father had even given up the task and befriended the Avatar. When the past Avatar defeated his grandfather, Fire Lord Ozai, Zuko, being the only heir, was forced upon the throne.
SC: Actually, Zuko went Willingly.
His banishment was over. As Fire Lord, he had kept peace, but as soon as Aang was reported as dead, he started the war again.
SC: He was glad Aang was out of the way, then, no one could mess with his plot to take over the world!!!
For fifteen years, the war had gone strong. Fire had already conquered the Earth Kingdom, and was on the attempt of conquering the young Air Nation. Now, being 16, he had searched for a year for the new Avatar.
SC: Is this like the Chinese zodiac where each animal has it’s own year? What year was Aang?
No one knew anything except the obvious fact that the Avatar had been reincarnated into the Water tribe. The Southern or the Northern, he had no clue. He had only his crew and two best friends to accompany him. Princess Denyre and Hiku.
SC: His Name is Hiku?
Like Japanese Poetry?
That is very strange.
Betrothed since age ten, they were never apart. You couldnt find one without the other. Denyre was not his sister. She was the only daughter of his aunt Princess Zula and Uncle Sokka.
SC: Whatever happened to Princess Azula was anybody’s guess.
Aunt Zula had died in childbirth, and Uncle Sokka was forced to leave because he was wanted in the Fire Nation. It served him right.
SC: For lousy choice in marriage partner!
But, anyways, his cousin and best friend had joined him in his mission. He was staring at the horizon when he heard her.
SC: Rip the loudest fart in the history of mankind!
"Aw, cousin, why must you always look so serious?" "You would too if you were the next Fire Lord and couldnt find the Avatar!" he said, anger in his voice.
Iroh: My dad did it too! But that’s not important!
His hands were gripping the boat in a deathgrip and had turned redhot. "Iroh, it's not good to burn down your own ship." "It's always a joke to you, isn't it, Hiku?"
SC: He is a weird one
Zero sense of Empathy
Iroh, Throw him out.
"Of course, Iroh, you know me." "You are too much like your father, cousin." She was right, of course. He was the spitting image of his father, and you couldnt tell the difference between him or his father. They were carbon copies.
SC: Including the scar?
"And why not? My father is a great man."
Iroh: He acquired many fangirls!
"Your father was an exiled prince who failed to capture the Avatar, then gave up the mission, joined the Avatar as his best friend, and then helped kill his own father. Yeah, great man."
Iroh: That is how he acquired so many fangirls.
Hiku rolled his eyes as he said this. "Don't insult my father in front of me!" Iroh turned around, a dangerous glare in his eyes. He had flames sneaking out. "Are you gonna fight me, Iroh? It won't be a very fair fight. Fire against fire...Master." Hiku was Iroh's apprentice.
SC: Brave one is Iroh
For trying to stop Hiku
From talking like this.
Iroh was almost a Master Firebender, and was teaching Hiku.
SC: Only “Almost” master because he skipped the last day of school.
"Don't underestimate me." "Oh, I'm not. I would be more worried for me. I wouldn't stand a chance against a big, strong, almost-Master Firebender like you."
SC: In retrospect, I probably shouldn’t have started to MiST this at three AM.
"DON'T MOCK ME, HIKU!" Iroh shot a flame out. He growled, and spun around. "I see you are in a mood again, Iroh. I'll leave you be." Hiku took Denyre's hand and glared at him and left. "A nice cup of calming tea wouldnt hurt, either."
SC: IROH LIVES!!! And no, It’s not through the kid who was named after him! LET THERE BE TEA!!!
he said, as he opened the door to the cabin. Iroh sighed, and looked at the empty deck. "Good riddance."
BACK TO THE OTHERS
Kiara sat on the river Waterbending.
SC: The River Waterbending is a little-know tributary of the Nile.
"Um...Kiara?" Pakku said hesitantly, Enya pushing him forward.
SC:...into the river
She grunted, "Hmm." "Well, I just wanted to say sorry for how I acted earlier." "Oh, Pakku!" She ran to him and hugged him. "That was so silly! I'm sorry!"
SC: (Checking Stopwatch) Three seconds from grumpy to sugar-high. Not Bad Pakku, not bad at all.
He patted her on the back akwardly, and then said, "Um, okay, I guess. Let's get back to town."
Pakku: I Think I liked angsty Kiara better.
When they got back, Kiara asked what was going on in Gilashi. Haru replied, "Hm...I don't know. I haven't been up there for weeks!" Pakku did a double-take. "What do you mean 'up there'?" "I mean, that this isn't really Gilashi.
SC: Cue the Twilight Zone theme!
We live under the rule of Gilashi, but this is just a small village." "WHAT!" Pakku said. "Sorry! I didn't know you didn't know!" Pakku sighed. "Well, we better get going." Kiara stopped.
SC: ...to take a pee-break.
"Why?" "We have a schedule to keep, Kiara!
Pakku: you’ve got a Pilates class at three and a facial at four thirty! Your mother will kill you if you don’t make it home in time for dinner!
We need to find you an Earthbending Master." Jet came in. "I would try Omashu. I heard there's a crazy old king there that's a master."
SC: Yeah, too bad he’s dead.
Haru choked on the noodles he was eating. "That man is still alive!" "Yah, it's about seven or so miles from Gilashi." Kiara nodded. "Thank you."
Kiara: So Long! And thanks for all the fish!!!
****
SC: well, once you find out who’s talking and ignore the fact the names “Pakku” and “Iroh” have been taken by somebody else, It’s not too bad.
Redeeming feature: for a “second Avatar” fic, this one actually sounds fairly plausible. The next Avatar arrives after Aang; she was born into the Water tribe to keep the cycle going, and has to learn the elements in the correct order. Too bad there’s no one left to teach her Airbending.
RAP SHEET:
-You couldn’t tell who was Talking, the author never put the Speeches into separate paragraphs so it makes for a nasty mess to try and read.
-Recycled names. Honestly, It’s bad enough Lion King Jr. is the Avatar, couldn’t you have thought up unique names for your Characters? I kept doing a double take every time I herd “Pakku” or “Iroh” thinking they were the originals.
-Why did Haru and Jet need secret identities? If they were hiding from somebody, it sure wasn’t clear on that part! If the author was too lazy to think up names for their Characters, why couldn’t they have let Jet and Haru keep their names and name the new guys “Pukki” and “Meikki”?
-Since when can Jet Earthbend? And since when is He a Pedophile? Why did the Author have to make him So OOC?
-Honestly, I Don’t think King Bumi would be alive after all this time. He was like, a hundred and twelve. No need for Jet to suggest him. (Couldn’t they teach her?)
Credits
"Avatar: The New Beginning" by kataang
MiSTed by StormCat
MiSTing concept by Best Brains Inc.
