Booter-Freak's Guide to MiSTingHow to MiST
So, you’ve decided you’ve had it up to your eyeballs with crappy fics and want to unleash your righteous fury via the form of MiSTs? Awesome! We need more outstanding people like you to keep the fanfiction community on its toes!
What’s that you say? You’re not sure how to MiST?
Well, there’s no real trick to the trade. As long as you have a little of Sokka’s snarkiness and a lot of Zhao’s vindictiveness in your heart, you pretty much have all you need! But, there are a few tips I can offer you about MiSTing...
So...
Booter Freak’s Handy Guide to MiSTing!
Part 1: “Choosing Your Fic”
How, you ask, does one go about choosing a fanfic—especially when there’s so much crap around already? Easy, my friend: when looking into the toilet bowl that is the Fanfic Community, try to pick out the “floaters”. That is, find a fic that has a unique sense of badness that helps it stand out above the rest. Multiple Sues, bending of ridiculous items/elements, horrific songfics, pr0n that SUCKS (in both senses), eye-rolling crossbending, even *more* eye-rolling crossbreeding (ex: half-lemur, half human), even MORE eyerolling crossovers, and even MORE MORE eye-rolling (or vomit inducing) crossdressing (you guys seeing a trend here?) are all excellent picks.
Be careful, however! There are some things you should avoid:
Don’t MiST your own fic. That’s both retarded AND tacky. And your readers would prefer to settle with just one, thanks.
Don’t MiST trolls or someone who wants to be MiSTed. It’s not as much fun MiSTing someone who’s out for attention—and besides, you miss out on all the indignant sputterings you’d get if it wasn’t a volunteered MiST.
Part 2: “Permission?”
Four words: “Public domain, public property.”
Meaning: Sure, it’d be NICE of you to ask permission to MiST, but you’re certainly not OBLIGATED to do it. I mean, what if they said no? Then we’d all be stuck with this sucky fic and no relief. That’s no good!
If it’s up on the net, it’s free domain. Period.
Part 3: “Tips for MiSTing Endurance”
It’s always best to start your MiST out when you’ve only read through the chosen fic once (and not even necessarily that). Your reactions will usually be at their freshest and funniest then.
Use your anger. Funny feeds off it. If you feel you’ve been too mean, you can always go back and water it down. Of course, it probably won’t be a funny, but that’s a sacrifice you’ll have to make.
If you can’t get through a tough part, go to the parts that are particularly anger-provoking and MiST them first. Then you can go back and work out the tougher parts.
DON’T re-read your chosen fic too many times. It causes blurred vision and hernias.
Part 4: “Tips for MiSTing Jokes”
Having a hard time coming up with jokes? Here’s some helpful ideas/tricks:
~ Immerse yourself in culture, pop or otherwise. Reading from a wide selection of books (joke books and comedic plays are always winners), as well as watching a wide array of shows (Cartoon Network, Comedy Central, and VH1 are all great sources) will give you a deep well from which to draw your jokes.
~ Body humor NEVER fails. I find that fat, fart, butt, and nipple jokes never cease to be funny.
~ Interrupting a fic with random interjection is always good. Example:
Seeing her in the distance, Sokka waved BF: His private parts at her auntie!
See? Easy. And it catches people off guard. Win.
~ Sarcasm is great, but typically works best for pointing out places in the fic where logic ceases to function. Which are quite abundant, knowing Avatar fics these days.
~ Playing off character’s personalities makes for good jokes too. For example:
Iroh especially enjoyed tea. BF: Iroh used to enjoy liquor, but in his golden years he became an ardent TEAtotaler.
Poking at character’s quirks/flaws is jolly good fun! Except for said characters. Oh well.
~ You can never lose with cheap-shots. What are cheap shots? Anytime you add a jab about the fic itself. Example:
“Wow,” Aang said, “This stinks!” BF: Like this fic!
Or...
Katara wiped a tear from her eye, sniffling miserably. BF: (Katara) When will I be free of this awful fic?
They’re the easiest joke to make and good to use in spots where it’s hard to plug in a joke. Plus, they’re funny because they’re usually true.
Now, some things to avoid:
~ ONLY needle at grammar when you can make a joke about it. If you go throughout your MiST pointing out grammar mistakes, you’ll only end up wearing yourself out and making a boring MiST.
~ Don’t make too many personal attacks on an author. Whomever and the legendary Hanako may disagree with this, but I feel the authors themselves should be cut a little slack. Yes, I know they’re the ones who spawned that sucky fic, but just because the fic is bad doesn’t mean *they* are bad. So try not to be overly cruel—unless that author is really asking for it (like too many author’s notes) or their name is Arekisu. Then it’s okay.
Well, kiddies, that’s all the advice I have to give. From here on out, you’ll have to rely on your own inherent hilarity and cruelty. Best of luck!
